How I Forgave the Unforgivable – Healing After Abuse
I am going to finally share something very raw and personal in the hope that it helps you cultivate The Elegant Life for yourself… but I didn’t feel quite ready to film it, so there won’t be a video for this post.
I feel extrememly vulnerable sharing this, however I know that now is the time.
This opportunity is the last step in me finally forgiving two people for something that changed the trajectory of my life some 29 years ago.
Before I get into it, let’s talk quickly about forgiveness…
Forgiveness is an essential process if we truly desire to become the fullest evolution of our soul; to truly allow ourselves to BE who we really are.
You would not still be following the information I share every week, if you did not desire to live a more full, connected, joyful, peaceful, prosperous life of elegance.
It is definitely MY intention, as a Woman Who Lives Elegantly, to become the fullest evolution of my soul. And so… in order to do this, I must go there…
To the places that have caused me deep pain, so I can release…forgive…so that I let go of that which is blocking the gorgeous loving light that I am.
You see, that person or experience we need to forgive is taking up A LOT of space in our energetic field and is blocking our spacious light inside.
We can never BE, DO or EXPERIENCE life as we wish with this “stuff” clouding our joy, peace and love.
We’ll never be able to fully express the beauty of who we are. Whether that be to a partner, a co-worker, a friend, a child, a client, it’s just not possible to do it and enjoy it fully.
Because my intention of who I want to be is so clear and so strong, I allowed myself to “go there” this summer. Actually I was kind of forced by the Universe. Here’s how…
[Deep Breath]
29 years ago, I was 15 years old.
Like every summer my family travelled to Saskatchewan to visit my grandparents. We had done this every year since I was a baby, so it was something I looked forward to.
My grandparents, on my mother’s side, were those kind of grandparents that everyone dreams of. Riding the tractor with Grandpa, baking with Grandma, eating yummy foods that brought me closer to my heritage, picking blueberries, tending to the garden, playing outside for hours, playing cards together and laughing long into the night…
You get the picture. Well, this summer was different in many respects.
I arrived a proper teenager. I had grown into someone who I really liked and loved.
I felt it deep within my heart and I just constantly smiled.
I also felt like I had truly found my style.
I felt beautiful AND I loved my body.
In fact, I suntanned on the sidewalk in my bathing suit…and felt so in tune with ERIN.
Wow, Grandpa noticed too!
He kept staring at me from across the table and complimenting my beautiful skin, etc. “Wow, Thanks!”
I must be radiating this awesome feeling I have inside!
One evening, I went downstairs after hearing my Grandpa and young cousin playing. I decided to join in the action. So we played “Chase my cousin” by crawling.
Grandpa made sure he was always behind me. Then he suggested my cousin go jump on the bed in the bedroom.
I followed of course and ended up sitting on the end of the bed with my Grandpa.
While my cousin jumped up and down, my Grandpa came very close beside me and shared how much he missed me, how great it was to have me there etc. and I just couldn’t believe how open he was being. I felt so loved…yet inside my gut felt something was awkward about this..this wasn’t quite normal for a Grandfather to speak this way, was it?
From here, I have no memory about how the next thing happened, but somehow I was led into the cellar by my Grandpa and was sexually abused by him.
After, he told me not to tell anyone and I quickly said, “No” and went upstairs.
I immediately went to the bathroom, stared at myself in the mirror and said something I will never forget…
“YOU will NEVER dress like this again. NEVER! You will NEVER allow yourself to feel beautiful like that again!” As I spoke these words I shook my finger at myself and broke down sobbing.
There is so much more to how this whole thing played out later…but needless to say,
The one person I thought I could trust betrayed me in the deepest way possible and I was forever changed.
In future blog posts I’m sure the ramifications of this experience will emerge, showing how this experience had a negative ripple effect into every area of my life, but for now, let’s talk about forgiveness.
I have done so much “work” to rid myself of the impact my grandfather’s actions had on my life.
I tried all sorts of therapies and clearing techniques and the two that had the biggest impact on me were Inspirational Breathwork and The Elegant Clearing Process™.
You will have the opportunity to learn this clearing process if you choose to go through The Art of Living Elegantly Course. (It’s a pre-requisite)
My soul’s evolution has sped up dramatically over the past year, so the next BIG clearing was required for further evolution of my soul.
I require to BE Light, Love, Peace & Beauty for this next phase in my life and this story of mine… this horrible experience…needed to be released and let go for that to fully be possible.
So, what did the Universe do to help me?
It sent my mother to help me during the gap of us moving to Dubai.
To protect the privacy of my mother I won’t go into details here, but I had a lot to clear on.
Seeing her day after day, looking like the female version of my Grandfather, loving ice cream the same way he did, and talking about him in regular conversation, sent me into a tailspin.
I was angry with her and I relived the whole ordeal and the after ordeal all over again.
I went DEEP into anger, resentment and depression.
When it felt like the world was caving in on me, I knew I needed out – the pain of reliving the whole experience and the aftermath was too great.
So, I did what I often do. I asked myself two questions:
1) “Who do I desire to BE in my life?”
2) “Who am I?”
The answer to both questions? DIVINE, LOVING ENERGY.
I knew right then and there what I needed to do…forgive. Not condone. NO WAY!
But forgive, yes. You see, my grandfather played his role in the evolution of my soul.
Without that experience I would not have had to search so deeply for what real love is.
Without that experience I never would have had the empathy and compassion I have in my heart for people.
Without that experience I would never have fully understood that you can NEVER judge someone because you have no idea what has gone on in their life to make them be that way.
Without that experience I would have never desired to profoundly make sense of who I am and what I am meant to do on this earth.
So, there WERE gifts from the experience.
He played his role.
He did what he did for reasons I will not ever fully understand, but I needed to forgive the “human” part of him and realize that behind his despicable human actions there was the same light in him that I have in me… and that you have in you too by the way;)
The realignment to my intention, my understanding of Divine energy, honest communication with my mother and the Elegant Clearing Process™ finalized this phase of my required evolution.
I don’t know if it will be brought up again at some point, with a new angle that I’m not aware exists within me, but for now I feel a spaciousness inside that I haven’t felt since 29 years ago, before it all happened.
I feel beautiful once again.
I love my body again.
I have a wonderful husband who I fully trust and with whom I am finally allowing myself to be more vulnerable with.
Was this hard? YES! Unbelievably hard! As I said to a friend, “I’m ok with myself. I don’t want to evolve anymore. I’m good.”
However, now that I’m on the other side, I can say without a doubt that it was worth it.
How to Forgive
So, I invite you right now to think of someone you need to forgive.
Someone who holds a lot of energy within you right now.
And commit to forgiving them. Not condoning…. no way!
But forgiving and seeing past their humaness and the reasons they did what they did.
And instead, see them for who they are beneath those reasons.
What is your intention for yourself and your life?
Who do you want to BE in your life?
You require to forgive this person in order to BE what you desire. Trust me on this.
As I’m not able to share the Elegant Clearing Process™ with you here, I suggest, as a starting point, to write the person’s soul a letter from your soul.
Get as angry as you need to. Say it ALL!
At the end, see them in front of you. Look through their physical body and SEE that spaciousness inside. And when you see their light, write, “I forgive you” 3 times.
Then, burn the letter and say “I love you” 3 times.
Much, much LOVE & LIGHT to you, Beautiful.
The process of forgiving someone and releasing them is not easy, trust me, I get it. However, I invite you to gift yourself the opportunity to clear away what blocks your light and dims your spirit.
The spaciousness you will feel inside will be exquisite.
And with this space opened up, you will automatically and very elegantly allow for more loving and high vibrational things, people and experiences to come into your life.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for bearing witness to my story and thank you for choosing to be a part of The Elegant Life.
