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Author: ekurt

french love affair
CategoriesELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #17 (French Love Affair?)

Chère Diary,

Well, I did it! I survived a Christmas alone, in France! We had a really nice day – lots of eating, laughs and calls from home.

I am feeling so much JOY right now and it’s really helping me speak more fluidly!

I am noticing that whenever I feel joy throughout my body I feel more courageous to speak with people, to ask for the car and to experience life here fully. Interesting.

There was actually a concert of Celine Dion on TV tonight and I loved it!!!

She is a role model to me.

Celine shows that a woman can be wealthy, happy, in love beyonds words and live life with joy…and it’s OK. This is what I want.

christmas in francechristmas in france
_________________________
It is the afternoon of le 31 decembre and I am feeling very reflective.

I remember the feeling of utter depression and hopelessness at this time last year. David and I had hosted a New Years Eve party and although we had fun with friends, when the clock struck midnight, my heart dropped.

I only ever had 1 New Years Eve romantic kiss from him…when I was 17 years old. He told me he loved me, but since then, nothing.

Every New Years Eve I would hope, but was always left feeling so alone and disappointed.

Where was the passion between a husband and a wife? Where you thanked God for bringing the two of you together and you BOTH felt love and deep, deep feelings for one another? Was I just stupid for thinking this could ever exist?

Well, I have begun to realize NO.

Being here in France I have learned so much about myself and how I want to love and be loved.

Sandra came from no where and I love her.

au pair in france

Guy came from no where and I love him. He has shown me, by example, how to be comfortable in one’s own skin and how to have compassion for others, on a whole new level.

I have been spending every last second with Sandra and Guy and each day we laugh so hard that my stomach hurts and I almost pee my pants!

All three of us are looking for the exact same kind of love and won’t settle again for anything less.

We all LOVE music, laughing, art, spirituality and FOOD!

I feel like the luckiest person. Yet, I have some sadness inside because I miss being in love. I have so much love built up inside of me right now and I just want to to hug and kiss Guy to let it out.

But, I’m so scared of losing my independence or becoming so lost in love that I don’t continue to follow my dreams.

I keep telling myself, “Live for TODAY, Erin!” but my insides resist this.

I tend to always live for the future and I KNOW this is wrong.

It negates the happiness right now. I will definitely work on this.

Here’s to a new year and an even better life.

What will happen in 1998? I won’t even try to guess!

Chère Diary,

Oh man, I have GOT to get my weight under control! I have fallen off the wagon again from emotional eating and gained even MORE weight! I tried on my black dress and could barely do it up!

I started laughing instead of crying, which is interesting for me.

“Could it have shrunk accidentally?” I wondered. So I tried on my black pants and could barely do them up too.

No, it’s definitely me and my butt!

Less fat, more activity. I will walk more and get to sleep at a good hour so I have more energy to work out.

It’s my birthday soon and I really want to feel good on the day.
______________________________
Chère Diary,

It’s my birthday!!!

Sandra and Guy planned an an incredbile dinner party for me. I am SO LUCKY to have them in my life!

I have two best friends… here…in France…and we only speak French!!! Am I dreaming?????

Is this actually my life???

For my present, they both chipped in and gave me a new bottle of my signature perfume “Beautiful”.

We talked, laughed and drank a lot of champagne, and at one point we got into a tickling fight on the sofa.

Actually, Guy was really focusing on me.

I am sensing that he feels something for me. And, if I’m completely honest, I feel an attraction for him too, but would never, ever want to do something to ruin our friendship. It is far too special to do that.

I think it’s just the fact that we have so much in common and he’s not had friends like us either, so he is loving the feeling of JOY when he’s with us.

The strange thing is that he always seems to know what I need at the time I’m thinking I need it!

How bizarre is this??

For example, yesterday, I thought, “I wonder if Guy will remember that I like flowers and that I really feel like eating a fruit pie.

He brought BOTH to the party!

And two days before that, I was telling Jean-Do and Maelle that I really would like to find a bottle of Maple Syrup so I could make Canadian pancakes for them.

Who shows up later that day with a “little something for me”? Guy!!! With a bottle of maple syrup!!! Does he have me bugged???

We finished my birthday by watching a movie called, “Forget Paris”. We all loved it.

What an incredible and memorable 26th birthday.

Gosh, every weekend we go to different forests and beaches to walk around and explore We always end up doing yoga or meditation in the forest, which is peaceful beyond words. And, just the other day, we had a traditional French picnic with cold quiche and salad, and later played frisbee.

I feel like I am living the real Erin, down to the atomic level.

I know that sounds weird, but it’s the only way I know how to explain what I feel right now. I am 100% me, even on the spiritual level.

Chère Diary,
I woke up today and realized that I had forgotten to take the movie from Guy’s house. It was due back at the video store today, so I called Guy. He told me he’d come pick me up so we could take it back together.

I was a bit nervous to be with him alone. I felt a bit shy without Sandra being there. He and I had never been alone together and…

Whenever we give each other the 4 bisous (4 kisses) on the cheek there is an electricity that goes between us. I don’t know what to make of this.

I love Guy’s spirituality, his views on life, his humour, his kindness, how he cooks, his beautiful eyes, his love of music (especially when he plays that one song on the pan flutes!), but there is something not quite ALL there.

pan flutes

After we dropped off the movie, Guy surprised me by taking me to a health food store! He knew how much I had been craving certain health foods.

As we walked around the store I could feel the energetic tension between us.

Whenever we talk and look into each other’s eyes there’s the weirdest thing that happens! I literally FEEL a buzz of hot energy between us!

Anway, Guy drove me back home and helped me carry my bags into the garage.

I put down my bags,  turned around to say a huge thank you for taking me to the organic store, reached out my arms to do the “Canadian thing” and give him a big hug and…

BOOM! He pulled me towards him, laid the most passionate kiss on me and said,

“Erin, je savais que c’etait toi.”

Join me HERE when I translate this and share what transpired after my unintentional expression of love!!!!

Have YOU ever experienced this kind of electricity with someone?  What did you share in common?  What were the qualities that attracted you to him/her? I’d LOVE to hear all about it in the comments!

With so much love,

Erin Kurt

ekurt
CategoriesELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #16 (**An Elegant Intention Come True**)

Chère Diary,

Clission was as beautiful as you’d image a Medieval town to look and feel like in France during the lead up to Christmas.

It has a gorgeous castle right in the middle of the old town and Christmas markets with trinkets, ornaments, food and mulled wine lining the cobble stoned streets leading to the art gallery.

Christmas music was playing in the streets and there was a gorgeous river flowing through the middle of the town. Oh my God it was beautiful – Sandra and I just couldn’t get over it!

The art exhibit was by Pedro, Guy’s friend. Pedro is an absolutely superb person and terrific artist.

His paintings are stunning and I so enjoyed looking closely at them to try and decipher the techniques he was using.

I felt so inspired to try and paint myself. I WILL paint in France.

We walked around the market and along the beautiful river. Sandra walked with her friend and I walked with Guy. I felt so at ease with him that the words were rolling off my tongue.

How could I feel so at ease with this person? And so quickly?

Clisson

He asked me why I was in France and it felt so amazing to feel comfortable to talk to him about reincarnation – that I felt like I once lived here and that is why I think my soul has been yearning to come live here ever since I was 8 years old.

He totally understood and “got this”. What???

Was I actually able to speak without censoring myself? Laugh without worrying I’m being too loud? Speak in French… with a man??? In France???

Clisson

After a while we got cold, so we went to a little cafe to drink un chocolat chaud and warm up.

We were all having such a great time so Guy invited us over to his place at 9:00pm. After the drive back though I felt very tired and suggested Wednesday instead.

We all agreed.

I cannot wait!

_________________
mercredi, le 21 decembre,1997 (Wednesday)

Chère Diary,

Youpppi! J’aime ma vie!!! (Yippeee! I love my life!)

We all met at Guy’s house tonight and his brother, the monk, and two other friends were there. Guy made homemade, traditional Chai tea and we all sat on the floor in le salon, where he teaches yoga, and just chatted and laughed for hours.

Everyone left except Sandra and I. We stayed until 4:30am!!!

We all shared personal details about our past relationships. God, it was fantastic being able to talk to him about yoga, births, changing the baby’s position by asking it to move, meditation, visualization, compassion, vegetarianism…everything!!!

It was the weekend, so I slept over at Sandra’s house. We slept in until 12:30pm then got ready to go meet up with Guy again.

He had invited us to a Buddhist talk. I really didn’t understand that much but it still felt great to be in the energy of the room when they chanted in Tibetan.

I just sat with my eyes closed and balanced my chakras. It felt incredible. I got “that feeling” again where I am lifting out of my body. Does that happen to everyone? I must ask Guy.

I also received 3 messages:

  1. It is absolutely necessary for me to balance myself and mediate as often as I can, if not everyday.
  2. It IS possible to heal my back, my hips and this damn acne that has surfaced on my face!
  3. I require more healthy eating, more meditation and more compassion for myself and others.

I now put out to the Universe my intention for my life…

My intention is to learn that life doesn’t need to have struggles. I want to be an example for people that you can be healthy, fit and happy, and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is more beautiful to be that (all that) than to endure hardships all the time. This is my goal.

I want to be an example like Goldie Hawn. People admire and respect her, and are in awe of her happiness. That’s me, and I’ll continue to get better and better as time goes on.

I am not interested in following Buddhism religiously but the philosophies are great and becoming one with the self and gaining compassion for all living things is fantastic and perfect for me.

Bonne nuit!

Join me HERE when a hilarious misunderstanding turns into l’amour of the deepest kind.

P.S. Do you have a wish for your life?  

Do you desire to BE a certain kind of woman  but don’t feel like it right now?  

Do you admire a certain woman (famous or not) and secretly wish that you could BE, DO, or HAVE what she has?  

Tell me about it in the comments below:)

ekurt
souls
CategoriesELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #15 (A Meeting of 2 Souls)

Chère Diary,

I’ve met a friend!!! Oh, thank the Universe! In my language class is a 25 year old Mexican girl named Sandra. She laughs like me and we have SO MUCH in common!!!

We went out to dinner and talked for hours and hours, sharing intimate details of our lives. It’s like we’ve known each other before.

Finally, someone to share this experience with. I’ve been feeling so lonely.

My typical day is:
– wake up
– take the boys to school
– teach
– come home
– meditate, do some breathing exercises, and then some yoga
– write letters, do some chores
– go pick the boys up, do homework with them
– then play games with them
– eat dinner, do dishes
– read with Maelle and Jean – Do. in le salon
– go to bed

It’s very low key and my French is getting much more fluid, but I don’t feel like ME. I’m bored.

Being with Sandra makes me feel like I’m ALIVE again. She’s been here longer than me so she knows a few more people.

YEAH! I cannot wait to begin living life like Erin again!

In fact, I have “Felt my fear and done it anyway”  and asked to use the car so Sandra and I can drive to La Rochelle, a beautiful city near the ocean, tomorrow!

Chère Diary,

Well, we were all set to go to La Rochelle when Sandra told me a friend invited her to an art exhibit in Clisson, a nearby town, and would I like to come?

She thought I’d be excited to know that another friend is coming along who is a yoga teacher.

To be honest, I was really disappointed. I’ve never been good with plans changing at the last minute. And, why was our plan so easy to toss out?

I felt a bit of anger arise within me, but now that I’ve been reading the Dalai Lama and Deepak Chopra books I am trying to go with the flow more. There must be a reason this is happening, so I changed my attitude and said, “Okay.”

Maybe I could get some good yoga tips for my butt! It seems to be growing by the day with all the cheese and patisseries I’ve been eating!

Chère Diary,

I can’t write much right now because I’m so tired, but today was magnificent!

Sandra and I went for lunch and the yoga teacher was going to come and meet us and take us to where Sandra’s other friend was waiting.

Secretly, I wondered, “Is he going to be handsome?” I craved love and attention.

While we ate dessert, Guy, the yoga teacher walked in.

He wasn’t the dark haired French guy I was envisioning…in fact his hairline was receding, but WOW, he had incredible energy. What WAS that?

Guy sat with us and was so at ease. I liked this. Oooh, I LOVE being around people who have beautiful energy. This was going to be a fun day after all!

Sandra, Guy and I got in the car and on the journey we all chatted so effortlessly about yoga, how he teaches from his home, how he is a Buddhist (WOW! I’m reading a Dalai Lama book right now!!!), how his brother is a Buddhist monk (WOW! Maybe I can learn from him!), how he loves cooking and eating and playing the pan flutes….

I was getting a buzz out of this conversation!!!

I went from being lonely and slightly depressed to feeling ALIVE and excited and so, so curious!

Talking about spirituality, yoga and Buddhism thrilled me! And yes, with so much in common, I began feeling a slight attraction to Guy.

Somehow I feel a connection to his soul and I can’t explain why.

Guy, Sandra and I finally arrived in Clisson and it was magical…in every respect.

Join me HERE when I share with you the magic that occurred in Clisson, as well as some of the pictures I took on this very day!

Love,

Erin Kurt

ekurt
arriving in paris
CategoriesELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #13 (Arriving in PARIS!!!)

Dear Diary,

Well, here I am, on the airplane travelling to Paris. This almost feels like a dream, like I’m not REALLY experiencing this.

Yet, at the same time, I feel SO ultimately ready for this that I’m quite calm inside.

I think my leaving was a huge eye opener for people around me. It made them think about the purpose of life and going for your dreams.

I have such a heightened comfort with myself right now. In fact, I am remembering when I used to travel on planes with David.

I would look around at people travelling alone and feel sorry for them that they had no one to talk to…and yet, I secretly envied them. How were they able to travel all by themself?

And now, look at me!!! I am totally content being by myself! No pressures, just able to do what I want when I want!

I am in LOVE with this feeling of comfort and security.

Only 4 more hours until Paris!!! Wow…
_____________________________________

Dear Diary,

I’m here!!!! I’m in Paris!

Yikes!

All their phones need cards – no change! So I had to figure that out.

Then I had to figure a way to use la toilette while lugging my 2 HUGE suitcases. The toilet paper is dark pink!

I got my period – the timing! Thank God I had something in my purse!

I am starting to feel tired but I have to try and stay awake until I catch the TGV to go to Nantes.

My CD player stopped working which isn’t nice as that would have kept me awake.

Oh well, maybe I’ll get to see a lot of the countryside.

__________________________________
Dear Diary,

Okay, I should be in Nantes, but I’m not! I’m still in Paris!

I have just survived an incredible ordeal. I REALLY need to sleep now and I just want to cry to let out my frustration!

Everything was going well while I was waiting for my train. I didn’t see it arrive, even after the scheduled time, so I asked someone to watch my baggage (NOT SMART!) and ran up to ask someone what happened.

The ticket lady said the train had already left. Oh My God!!!

Now I had to take buses with my 2 heavy as hell bags and buy a new ticket.

I put the ticket in the passway and while pushing my first huge suitcase through the barrier locked! It wouldn’t let me or my second suitcase pass through!

My back is aching and I’m exhausted beyond belief so I thought, “Screw it!” and decided to take a taxi.

Well…. the cab drivers dusted off my seat and were SO nice to me and I’m thinking, “Paris is so great!”

The cab driver starts asking me if I want to see the Eiffel Tower and La Louvre because it’s so close to where I need to go.

I say sure but then I see the meter running FAST! It’s now up to 172 francs!

So I tell him to just go to the station as I don’t have much money.

He keeps talking and driving, showing me the Paris tunnel where Princess Diana died, La Seine, etc. etc. and now the meter is 240 francs!

I am frieking out inside so I tell him, “I only have 270 francs so please just go to the station.”

He got really angry and scoffed, “I should just drop you off here!”

I say I’m sorry and we don’t talk the rest of the way.

We finally arrived at the station and somehow I got my bags in an elevator, not knowing where I was going. Suddenly the doors opened and a girl stood in front of me and said, “Do you need help?”

I believe she was an angel sent from up above.  There was just such an angelic energy in the air.

I felt like weeping at her feet I was so grateful! She took me exactly where I needed to be and was gone as quickly as she appeared.

Lord, please let me sleep soon, this is enough…

Au revoir.

Join me HERE where I share my first days in France and the very unexpected things that occurred.

Have YOU ever travelled or moved to another country?  What were your first experiences?  Any funny, odd, or angelic experiences such as mine?  I’d love to hear about them in the comments below!

Or, perhaps you’ve always wanted to but are nervous.  Let me know as I can give you some great pointers that will save you from having to experience what I did – LOL!

A bientôt!

Erin Kurt

ekurt
moving to france
CategoriesELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #12 (Moving to France!)

Dear Diary,

Oh my God, all this paperwork is incredible! And the money it’s costing me to get everything notarized! I’m so stressed!

But… I am SO invigorated. I’m doing it! I’m actually going! My dream is coming true!!!! I’m moving to FRANCE!

God, I am so happy and grateful and excited!

Today I have a phone conversation with the father of the family I will be living with – he speaks some English Thank God! I’m nervous!!!

Later…

Oh MY GOD!!!!!!!!

I have just been on my knees sobbing. You are never going to guess what has happened.

While on the phone with the father (who was so nice by the way) he timidly said, “I have a question for you.”

Oui?

“The French government has declared that every school must begin an English program and the teachers at our local school feel terribly unprepared to do this. Would you be open to setting up and teaching the English program since we don’t really need much from you except to drop off and pick up the boys from school?”

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I replied, “Bien sur!” I would LOVE that!

The Universe had taken care of me. I honoured myself. I went after my dreams and the Universe gifted me exactly what I required to earn money & be a teacher in France!

Afte the call I literally dropped to my knees, sobbed and repeated, “Thank You , Thank You, Thank you!

I love me. I love my life. I love God.

I cannot believe that I leave in 2 weeks!

Side note:

I spent the next two weeks rushing around saying good bye to everyone, shopping and preparing for my move.

Matt never did return the phone call I made after returning from New York.

I didn’t care because I was so proud of myself.

I have done a lot of thinking recently and I realised I had put him up on a pedestal . The last month I was with him I always felt I had to look perfect and be perfect. I am at the point now where I won’t accept a relationship where you don’t feel like you can be yourself and feel accepted.

Like I feel when I’m with Tony.

Ever since returning from New York, he and I have been practically spending every day with each other.

We continued to laugh, sing together, go for countless nature walks where he taught me about different plants and birds (he was a forrest ranger), watched foreign films and ate yummy vegetarian meals together…that he cooked.

We have healed each other.

He brought me back to nature and the complete appreciation of it’s beauty. I will never look at a mountain scene or a tree the same way again.

He accepted me for exactly who I was. I could completeley be myself.

He was totally into music which reconnected me to a part of me that I missed. (I got to SING! – My Dream!!!)

I reconnected with Art and so many different styles of music – Shakira to name just one.

He reconnected me to laughter and my own sense of humour. He told me I helped him gain his self-confidence back and I am so happy I could give him something in return for all he’s done for me.

Honestly… I have never felt so at ease with myself.

Even when I went to the school to say good bye to the teachers and pick up a few things to bring to France for teaching.

I walked into the staff room, feeling so womanly, happy, confident and proud of myself and there was Matt.

I chatted with people and could see he was staring at me the whole time.

I finally turned to him.

He said, “Hi, how are you?”

“Good, really good.”

“I hear you’re off to France.”

“Yes!”

“That will be an amazing experience. I travelled around there one year.”

“Yeah, I ‘m very excited. Thanks. Well, I’d better photocopy these things and get going.”

“Have a great time,” he said.

“Thanks” I said with a warm smile.

As I drove away from the school I saw movement at the office window. It was Matt, standing alone, watching me leave. And that was the last I saw him.

Tomorrow I leave for Paris – Ahhhhh!!!!

JOIN me HERE for the post where I get on the plane and fly away to Paris!!! And, of course, you know that at this time in my life there was always drama, so come see what happens once I land in Paris.

I’m curious… what do you think about the whole Matt story?  Do you think if I had stayed in Canada we would have sorted things out and gotten back together?

Do you think he was for real or just a person sent my way to get me away from my marriage so that my next evolution could take place? Let’s chat in the comments!!

Bisous!

Erin Kurt

ekurt