I was woken by the telephone.  It was David.

“Erin, I’m SO sorry,” he cried.

“I don’t know what came over me. I WAS too drunk to drive.  I should have given you the keys.  I’m so sorry for scaring you.”

“Scaring me?” I said.  You not only scared me.  You put me in a headlock and choked me!  Then you kicked me onto the street and later pushed me down the stairs!”

“I pushed you? No I didn’t.”

“I’m not going to argue any more with you.  It’s over, David.  I’m done.”

“Please, Erin.  Don’t do this.  I’ll get help.  I’ll tell the counsellor all about this.  I know I need help.”

I hated hearing him cry.  I hated hurting people.

A million thoughts were running through my head, “People don’t get divorced in my family.  I’m scared.  Am I REALLY going to end things??”

“Ok. But let me tell you this,” I said.  “You put one finger on me and it is over.  Do you understand?  No more chances.”

“I promise,” he said.  “Come home.  Let’s talk.”

I went back, but I felt dead inside.  I felt nothing for him.  I was numb.

Meanwhile, me and the Vice Principal, Matt, had been getting along really well…

Dear Diary,

I haven’t written much about Matt in here for fear David would read it, but needless to say, I have feelings for him.

All year, I have been thinking, “Wow, he is SO nice!”

As time went on, we were good friends and found it extremely easy to talk to each other.  We had many joint activities to organize so we spent a lot of time together.

My attraction to his looks and personality increased daily. 

He spoke of things he likes to do and what he does in relationships and this made me think, “Wow, I’d love it if David were like this.”

I also began noticing that we had tonnes in common. 

Eventually he started to lightly flirt with me.

I accepted this for a few months then started realizing just how much I was thinking about him; how much I loved being around him and how I missed him over the weekends.

I started to get so confused about my feelings, what I wanted to do with my life and what I wanted to do about my marriage. After feeling completely depressed, I told David that I needed some time.

I packed up and went to live at mom and dad’s house. I started to see a counselor and it felt so freeing to let out all my feelings.

Valentine’s Day came and David tried really hard to court me.  We actually had a really nice night – one of the best Valentine Days we’ve ever had, so on Monday, I moved back into our home.

Everything was blissful for a few weeks and then David turned right back to himself. 

Matt on the other hand, kept flirting.

I was SO confused!

I was becoming totally dissatisfied with my marriage.  I knew that I wanted passion and dinners and cooking together and candlelight and romance… (Matt loved ALL of these things)

David kept asking me, “Why do you want to act?” when I would try and light candles at dinner time.

One day Matt came in to my room and asked me if I could drive him to get his Jeep from the dealership.  All I remember is that it felt sooooo good being in the same space with him!  

The way he stared at me while I drove made me melt!

I went home and phoned Jana and said, “This is becoming IMPOSSIBLE! I think I’m falling in love with him.”

The following week, while sitting in Matt’s office, he said, “I could say so much, but I won’t.”

I didn’t push, but I was SO curious! 

Did he feel the same way towards me as I did for him?

I felt excitement for life again.  I felt JOY.  I felt feminine!

He said this same thing a few more times over the next few weeks.  Finally I said, “Look, say something!”

He looked straight into my eyes and said, “I wonder every day what it would be like to be with you.  I get excited to see what you’re going to wear everyday.  I love walking by your classroom and seeing you teach and show love for your students.”

I just about died!!!! My body was alive!  I was feeling romance and passion!!! I felt like a WOMAN.

The difficulty I’m having is that I’m going to counselling and being asked this question, “Erin, do you WANT to save your marriage?”

I said, “Yes.”

Did I?

Join me HERE for Part 5 of “The Making of an Elegant Woman”.  THIS post is the second most beautiful and pivitol moment of my life. It’s when I rediscovered who ERIN really was – I have such amazing memories of this day!