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CategoriesELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #22 (Pneumonia & The Buddhist Temple)

Chere Diary,

Am I superficial because Guy’s clothing style turns me off and he doesn’t have the thick, dark hair I desire?

I’m feeling really confused and just want to be alone for a while.

Last night Sandra, Guy and I went to the movie, “Le Pire et la Meillure” with Jack Nicholson.  It was a great movie.

After the movie Guy asked if I wanted to come up to his place, but I was so into being alone that I said no.

I know Guy felt my state of confusion because the next day he asked me what I was feeling yesterday.

I explained (kind of) and he understood that I needed time alone.

The next morning I woke up and felt fantastic.  God, I LOVE being alone, doing what I want, when I want.  I watched program after program on TV, listened to music, sang, ate…

Then later I went for a walk with Sandra and Guy.  After the walk Sandra and I went back to her place and cooked while listening to Andrea Bochelli.

We ate, talked and drank tea until 6am!!

We covered every topic under the sun.  It felt amazing to connect and bond with her again.

The next day Guy came to pick me up because I have la grippe (the flu); he said he’d take care of me.

He treated me like I’ve always dreamed.  He prepared a beautiful meal for me and prepared sage tea for me since I also have my period; sage tea is supposedly good for women who have their period. What a guy!

He then cuddled me, prepared a pillow and blanket for me and told me to take a nap. Then he meditated beside me and all I felt was complete compassion and understanding.

I woke up and he gave me a back, neck and face massage with tiger balm oil. I wanted to cry and out of my mouth almost came,

“Why do you care for me so much???”

He stares at me with such love in his heart.  I know exactly how he feels and that I am the ONLY one for him. Something I never felt from Matt.

I respect myself for realizing what I needed from Matt and that he wasn’t giving me.

It’s so important to know who you are and what you really require.

Got to go to sleep as I feel so sick and exhausted.

_________________________________________

Chere Diary,

What a week I’ve had.  I have never been so sick.  I literally lay on my back for a week without moving. Except to go to the doctor.  I have pneumonia.  I’m getting better now with the medication, but this week Sandra, Guy and I had planned on going to the Buddhist Centre in Bretagne and I really didn’t want to miss it.

I went but spent most of the time sleeping in the car or in different rooms in the temple.

One night I felt a bit better so Guy asked if I’d be well enough to come to the special ceremony they were having. He said he had a surprise for me.

I DO love a surprise so I mustered up some energy to go.  He was very proud at being “dressed up” but it SO wasn’t attractive.  I like a man who has real style. God Erin, this is terrible of you! You shouldn’t care about this!

All of a sudden, Guy walked on stage and said,

“Cette chanson est dédiée à une personne très spéciale. Elle s’appelle “la Paix” en l’honneur de son nom et de son essence.”

(This song is dedicated to a very special person.  It’s titled, “PEACE” in honour of her name and her essence.)

Guy had always loved the fact that my name, Erin, meant Peace.  He said it was my essence and that I exuded it.

How in the world could this man love me so much and all I’m thinking right now is, “His pants are too short and that orange vest has got to go!”

Later that night I lay in bed and thought to myself, “Guy is getting so unbelievably serious and with my state of mind lately, I have to end things.”

I feel like I’m staying with him because he loves me so much and I don’t want to hurt him.  But, even though he has helped me heal and grow and open up to what I really want from a relationship, I know deep in my heart that he isn’t THE ONE.

I just got out of a 9 year intense relationship and the last thing I want to do is get into something else that I’m not fully sure about and miss all the other gifts that my time in France can give me.

Plus, I miss just being with Sandra.  I miss being carefree and not having someone intensely stare at me all the time.

I promised myself that “This Year is For Me” In fact, I wrote it at the beginning of this journal and I have to honor myself.  No more doing things to make or keep other people happy.

When he drops me off at home I’m going to tell him.

Join me tomorrow HERE when I share what happens when we as women honour our desires and true knowingness inside…the Universe responds VERY quickly with “gorgeous” gifts – pun intended:)

ekurt
self love
CategoriesELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #20 (Self-Love)

Chere Diary,

Today Guy, Sandra and I got together at night, but I didn’t want to act like a couple with Guy.

I stared at other guys and thought, ‘Guy’s not my type.  I’m not attracted to him like I should be.  I have to stop things. I have to tell Guy that I can’t handle all of this.’

When we were alone together though, I began feeling attracted to him!  I wanted to be intimate with him!  He makes me feel so cared for and my soul craves to be loved by someone other than myself.

However, I got up the strength to talk to him about how I was feeling.

Being the type of guy he is, he told me he’d understand if I needed to slow things down or stop things. And, that if I ever needed to talk about David or my feelings that he was here to listen.  

I told Guy that I feel like this year I need to be alone, yet at the same time I feel great when we’re together.

I also mentioned that I feel like we should end things now before any stronger feelings develop and that he doesn’t deserve to be with someone who can change their mind from day to day.

He listened, held my hand, and then leaned in to kiss me.

God his kisses make me melt! What am I going to do???

On a side note, I’ve begun sketching and painting!  So far, all of them have been naked women in nature. I’m loving this theme and how it’s just coming out of me. So interesting!

It actually seems very appropriate because I’m feeling so comfortable, not only with my soul, but in my skin, my figure, my eyes, my mouth and my sexuality.

For the first time in my life I truly feel emotionally, spiritually and physically connected. Self-Love!

If I think back to this time last year, it is exactly the time that I first left David.

Now look at me!

I’m in France, truly discovering Erin, the “woman”! A VERY powerful, sensual experience.

I’m LOVING it!

Every time I am out grocery shopping or stopping at the Post Office I get whistles, comments and compliments.  I think it’s because I am projecting the beauty I feel inside right now.

I am so comfortable in my own skin!…Even with the extra weight and horrendous acne I have right now!

Anyway, I’m seeing Guy tomorrow so we’ll see how things go.

Join me tomorrow HERE for  pure moments of BLISS & CONTENTMENT…and then utter confusion!

If you are seeking self love, ease of living, connection to your soul, as well as how to elegantly manifest your dreams, I invite you to commit to being a Spiritual Woman and learn more about The Art of Living Elegantly

.the art of living elegantly

ekurt
soulmate
CategoriesELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #19 (Soulmate?)

I spent the rest of the day playing with the kids, eating with the family and trying to figure out how I really felt and what my soul really wanted.

Sandra said she knew all along that Guy liked me.  It was obvious she said.

My big worry was that I didn’t want anything to ruin our friendship and the synergy between all three of us.

Sandra was extremely supportive as she thought Guy and I had a lot in common.  So, I decided to go to Guy’s house that night.

Before I went, I sat down with my diary to try and work through what my soul wanted.

Chère Diary,

Okay, a lot has happened and I really need to sort through things.

Today Guy and I went shopping at an organic store – man he is always so damn thoughtful!  He knew I had been missing my soya products and specialty flours, so he surprised me and took me there.

After, we went for a LONG walk since the weather was so gorgeous.  It felt incredible to be with him. It was easy and I felt so comfortable to just be ME.

There was an ease, a peace.

All I kept thinking was, “THIS is how I always want to feel in a relationship. I want to be fully accepted. To fully be able to talk about spirituality, life, organic healthy food and…”

I’m scared. So scared.  But…I also feel excited.  My insides are flipping!

Could this be the LOVE that my horoscope told me about?

Could Guy Be My Soulmate?

Okay, here is the kind of man I desire:

  1. Honest
  2. Giving
  3. Completely devoted to me and my happiness
  4. Spiritual like me
  5. Dark, Thick hair
  6. Well toned body – likes to keep in shape
  7. Cooks
  8. Loves life
  9. Good sense of humour
  10. Great lover
  11. Someone who I feel is “IT”, no doubts
  12. Loves art and music like me, or even more than me
  13. Plays an instrument or sings
  14. Enjoys nature

How does Guy size up to this list?

Man! He aligns with almost every one except #5 and #11, and I’m not sure about #10 yet;)

Well, I’m going to go and hear what Guy is feeling and thinking.  Should be interesting!

Chère Diary,

Okay, Guy and I drank chai tea and talked about everything we had in common. Guy also admitted that from the very first day we met, he felt I was “IT”, “The One”.

We laughed, talked and shared how we felt and then listened to music. Suddenly, Guy took my hand.  The electricity was HUGE!

We both looked at our hands then looked up at each other’s eyes… and kissed.

The electricity between us was intense….different than between Matt and I.

We were both feeling SO much emotion!

God, I felt womanly!

Suddenly, Guy stopped kissing me and without even saying a word, asked if I wanted to make love.

I was 100% in. This experience was different than anything I’d ever experienced before.

I don’t know why but the emotion I felt, the intimacy between us, was on a different level. It was spiritual.

He was saying all kinds of things in French:

Pince-moi, c’est vrai ca? he said. (Pinch me, is this real?)

Tu me conduis fou! ( You drive me crazy!)

And then… Je t’aime, Erin. (Uh-Oh… you know what THAT means!)

This scared me a bit. But, why did it feel so amazing to hear a man say that to me again?  And to know that he really, REALLY meant it?

I needed to go so Guy walked me to my car.  He told me he felt like he was in a dream, and I have to admit, I did too.

Wow! Did I just experience this? A romance in France? With a beautiful soul?

My God..how my life has changed, opened up, and totally become what I’ve always dreamed about.

Join me HERE where I share the continuation of this story…and it’s not what you’d expect.

Much, much love,

Erin Kurt

ekurt
je t'aime
CategoriesELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #18 (Je t’aime?)

“Erin, I knew it was you” Guy said.

I stood there in shock, not really knowing what to say.

The next thing to come out of my mouth was, “Ah bon?”   (“Oh yeah?”)

(Oh my God Erin, what was THAT?)

Guy started speaking so fast saying,

“When you stretched out your arms for me, it was my sign that you felt as I do. I asked the Universe to give me a sign and this was it! I knew it from the beginning, Erin.”

(It was a sign? I was just being my Canadian huggy self!)

Racing through my head, all in a millisecond, was:

When I think of us together I feel very happy, but at the same time I’m scared. I’ve only been in France for 3 months and I want to explore life by myself. If I dance with someone I can and I like that. I don’t want to be tied down.

Argh! Sometimes I think I’m ready for a relationship and other times I think, “NON!!!, NON!!! pas mainteant (not now). Nothing serious!

Out of my mouth came,

“Guy, je ne sais pas. Je t’aime mais je ne sais pas si j’ai l’amour pour toi comme tu as pour moi.”
(I don’t know, Guy. I like you, but I don’t know if I have love for you like you do for me.”

“Tu m’aime? Je le savais!” (You love me?  I knew it!)

Huh? Je t’aime?

Here’s where the tricky part comes in with the French language.

They simply do not have the phrase, “I like you.” ‘I like you’ and ‘I love you’ are the same.

I kept trying to explain what I meant by I LIKE you, but I don’t know if I LOVE you.

I tried saying, “I mean I Love you. You are an incredible person, but I don’t know if I LOVE you.”

Can you see the problem? He was so confused but so blissful at the same time!

He told me to come to his house later so we could talk more.

He gave me a huge hug and then left while walking backwards, staring me square in the eyes with such an intense look on his face.

Oh. My. God. What just happened???

Do I go to his house tonight? What if he gets too intense? Oh, I don’t want to lose our friendship!

Time for a call to Sandra to sort this out.

Join me HERE to see if I go and what happens next – big hint!!! France is the country of l’amour:)

P.S. What do you think I do? Should do? Have you ever experienced this situation? What did YOU do? Let’s chat in the comments below!

Love,

Erin Kurt

admin
french love affair
CategoriesELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #17 (French Love Affair?)

Chère Diary,

Well, I did it! I survived a Christmas alone, in France! We had a really nice day – lots of eating, laughs and calls from home.

I am feeling so much JOY right now and it’s really helping me speak more fluidly!

I am noticing that whenever I feel joy throughout my body I feel more courageous to speak with people, to ask for the car and to experience life here fully. Interesting.

There was actually a concert of Celine Dion on TV tonight and I loved it!!!

She is a role model to me.

Celine shows that a woman can be wealthy, happy, in love beyonds words and live life with joy…and it’s OK. This is what I want.

christmas in francechristmas in france
_________________________
It is the afternoon of le 31 decembre and I am feeling very reflective.

I remember the feeling of utter depression and hopelessness at this time last year. David and I had hosted a New Years Eve party and although we had fun with friends, when the clock struck midnight, my heart dropped.

I only ever had 1 New Years Eve romantic kiss from him…when I was 17 years old. He told me he loved me, but since then, nothing.

Every New Years Eve I would hope, but was always left feeling so alone and disappointed.

Where was the passion between a husband and a wife? Where you thanked God for bringing the two of you together and you BOTH felt love and deep, deep feelings for one another? Was I just stupid for thinking this could ever exist?

Well, I have begun to realize NO.

Being here in France I have learned so much about myself and how I want to love and be loved.

Sandra came from no where and I love her.

au pair in france

Guy came from no where and I love him. He has shown me, by example, how to be comfortable in one’s own skin and how to have compassion for others, on a whole new level.

I have been spending every last second with Sandra and Guy and each day we laugh so hard that my stomach hurts and I almost pee my pants!

All three of us are looking for the exact same kind of love and won’t settle again for anything less.

We all LOVE music, laughing, art, spirituality and FOOD!

I feel like the luckiest person. Yet, I have some sadness inside because I miss being in love. I have so much love built up inside of me right now and I just want to to hug and kiss Guy to let it out.

But, I’m so scared of losing my independence or becoming so lost in love that I don’t continue to follow my dreams.

I keep telling myself, “Live for TODAY, Erin!” but my insides resist this.

I tend to always live for the future and I KNOW this is wrong.

It negates the happiness right now. I will definitely work on this.

Here’s to a new year and an even better life.

What will happen in 1998? I won’t even try to guess!

Chère Diary,

Oh man, I have GOT to get my weight under control! I have fallen off the wagon again from emotional eating and gained even MORE weight! I tried on my black dress and could barely do it up!

I started laughing instead of crying, which is interesting for me.

“Could it have shrunk accidentally?” I wondered. So I tried on my black pants and could barely do them up too.

No, it’s definitely me and my butt!

Less fat, more activity. I will walk more and get to sleep at a good hour so I have more energy to work out.

It’s my birthday soon and I really want to feel good on the day.
______________________________
Chère Diary,

It’s my birthday!!!

Sandra and Guy planned an an incredbile dinner party for me. I am SO LUCKY to have them in my life!

I have two best friends… here…in France…and we only speak French!!! Am I dreaming?????

Is this actually my life???

For my present, they both chipped in and gave me a new bottle of my signature perfume “Beautiful”.

We talked, laughed and drank a lot of champagne, and at one point we got into a tickling fight on the sofa.

Actually, Guy was really focusing on me.

I am sensing that he feels something for me. And, if I’m completely honest, I feel an attraction for him too, but would never, ever want to do something to ruin our friendship. It is far too special to do that.

I think it’s just the fact that we have so much in common and he’s not had friends like us either, so he is loving the feeling of JOY when he’s with us.

The strange thing is that he always seems to know what I need at the time I’m thinking I need it!

How bizarre is this??

For example, yesterday, I thought, “I wonder if Guy will remember that I like flowers and that I really feel like eating a fruit pie.

He brought BOTH to the party!

And two days before that, I was telling Jean-Do and Maelle that I really would like to find a bottle of Maple Syrup so I could make Canadian pancakes for them.

Who shows up later that day with a “little something for me”? Guy!!! With a bottle of maple syrup!!! Does he have me bugged???

We finished my birthday by watching a movie called, “Forget Paris”. We all loved it.

What an incredible and memorable 26th birthday.

Gosh, every weekend we go to different forests and beaches to walk around and explore We always end up doing yoga or meditation in the forest, which is peaceful beyond words. And, just the other day, we had a traditional French picnic with cold quiche and salad, and later played frisbee.

I feel like I am living the real Erin, down to the atomic level.

I know that sounds weird, but it’s the only way I know how to explain what I feel right now. I am 100% me, even on the spiritual level.

Chère Diary,
I woke up today and realized that I had forgotten to take the movie from Guy’s house. It was due back at the video store today, so I called Guy. He told me he’d come pick me up so we could take it back together.

I was a bit nervous to be with him alone. I felt a bit shy without Sandra being there. He and I had never been alone together and…

Whenever we give each other the 4 bisous (4 kisses) on the cheek there is an electricity that goes between us. I don’t know what to make of this.

I love Guy’s spirituality, his views on life, his humour, his kindness, how he cooks, his beautiful eyes, his love of music (especially when he plays that one song on the pan flutes!), but there is something not quite ALL there.

pan flutes

After we dropped off the movie, Guy surprised me by taking me to a health food store! He knew how much I had been craving certain health foods.

As we walked around the store I could feel the energetic tension between us.

Whenever we talk and look into each other’s eyes there’s the weirdest thing that happens! I literally FEEL a buzz of hot energy between us!

Anway, Guy drove me back home and helped me carry my bags into the garage.

I put down my bags,  turned around to say a huge thank you for taking me to the organic store, reached out my arms to do the “Canadian thing” and give him a big hug and…

BOOM! He pulled me towards him, laid the most passionate kiss on me and said,

“Erin, je savais que c’etait toi.”

Join me HERE when I translate this and share what transpired after my unintentional expression of love!!!!

Have YOU ever experienced this kind of electricity with someone?  What did you share in common?  What were the qualities that attracted you to him/her? I’d LOVE to hear all about it in the comments!

With so much love,

Erin Kurt

ekurt