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The Making of an Elegant Woman
CategoriesMANIFESTING INNER PEACE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #3 (Abuse)

Dear Diary, I don’t even know how to start to describe what happened after our games night with friends. We were having a fun time, enjoying nice snacks and drinks but when we were going home, I told David that I would drive because I had only had 1 1/2 drinks the whole night. He was drunk. He refused to give me the keys. We argued, as usual, but he refused to give the keys to me. I was so tired that I stupidly got in the car just to avoid another huge argument with him, but as he drove, I got scared; not just for me but for other people on the road. I told him to pull over. He said no. So I threatened to jump out of the car. He pulled over and started screaming at me. I was so disgusted at how he wouldn’t just hand me the keys to keep us and everyone else safe! How hard was that??? He refused, saying I was exaggerating, so I said, “Well, if you want to kill yourself be my guest, but I won’t be staying in this car with you.” As I went to open the door. He grabbed my hair and put me into a head lock. I was so scared because I’d never seen him like this before. It was like a demon had come into him.

Why was he so determind to drive?

I was choking, so I began fighting him. I remember seeing on Oprah to scratch at a guy’s eyes, so I did whatever I could to get him to let go of me. I must have hurt him because the next thing I know he opened my door, called me a bitch and kicked me out of the car onto the street. I was totally and utterly in shock. All I remember doing was getting up and running. Thank God we were close to my mom and dad’s house, so I was just going to run to there. Soon, I started hearing a car’s tires squealing and an engine revving louding. It was our car coming straight down the street that I was running! I was so scared so I found a bush to duck down behind. As I crouched behind this bush I thought to myself, “Erin, you are Nicole Brown Simpson.” (How ironic that on the night of my stagette we all watched the TV in disbelief at OJ Simpson runninng away from the poice in his white Bronco).

Deep inside my soul I knew at this moment that it was over between David and I.

The out of control car continued to squeal it’s way through the residential streets until finally the night went silent. Frightened, I cautiously walked to my parent’s house. My sister let me in and I went downstairs to go to sleep. I didn’t say a word to Jana about the incident. I never did share our problems, out of humiliation.

Soon, I heard David’s voice.

Oh, shit! He starts yelling to my sister, “Where’s Erin? She gone crazy! She was scratching at my eyes. She’s gone crazy!” My sister dind’t know what in the world was going on, so she showed David where I was and said, “Erin, what’s going on???” I stomped up the stairs towards David and said, “Get the H__LL out here!!! It’s YOU who was drunk and was choking me! Don’t you EVER lay a hand on me again! Get out!” David got so angry he pushed me down the stairs. I began sobbing and yelled, “GET OUT!!!!!” Thank God he left. I went into my bed, curled up in the fetal position and said to myself, “It’s over. That’s it.” The next morning I was woken by the telephone. It’s was David…

Click HERE for a very different kind of post…yes, it’s not ALL drama…tomorrow I begin to experience ROMANCE! 

With Love, Erin Kurt

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CategoriesMANIFESTING INNER PEACE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #2 (Marriage Counselling?)

Dear Diary,

What a life I lead. I”m sure it’s the same for everyone, but sometimes you feel like, “Can’t I have fun for a long period of time without some big crisi happening all the time?”

David had been going to counselling and things were great for about 2 weeks. (this is his pattern). Then one day he just reverted back to the old David.

I was so exhausted from teaching, tutoring and teaching piano with the house STILL not being finished that I just had a breakdown.

I told David that I didn’t know if I wanted to be married, that I wanted to go to France, that I wanted to date other guys – I just wanted out of my life!

He thought we both should go to counselling so we went.  After the session we had a masssive argument over…get this…a POTATO!

I told him I was okay to go home and make something quick, a baked potato.

He said, “No, I don’ t want to have to clean up. Let’s get fast food.”

I said, “You can get something but I’ll wait to have my potato at home.”

He kept badgering me saying, “No, Erin, Let’s get fast food.”

Finally, I looked at him and said, “I’m OK with this. I’ll have a potato. You get what you want, OK?”

He accused me of controlling the conversation. 

What????

I said, “David, you are telling me what I can and cannot have.  Just get yourself some fast food and let’s be done with this!”.

Again, he insisted.  Now I went pyscho. I screamed, “David, this is about a POTATO!”

He said, “Why can’t you compromise?”

I said, “I thought I did!”

This was ridiculous!  I am going to tell the counsellor about this at our next session. I can’t take this anymore.

I bet Matt, the Vice Principal, would never treat  his girlfriend this way.

Tomorrow we’re going to our friends house to play games. That should be fun.  I am really just wanting life to feel happy again.

Please God, I don’t know how much longer I can take this.

Click HERE for Part 3 of “The Making of a Spiritual Woman” where so much occurs and so much is decided…or is it?

With Love,

Erin Kurt

 

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elegant woman
CategoriesELEGANT BEAUTY, ELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, MANIFESTING PROSPERITY, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: A Pilgrimage that Began in Paris Video #1)

The Making of a Spiritual Woman Video #1

As I sat on a park bench in yet another stunning park in France, I stared up at the sky and said to Guy, my friend, “I just want to be happy, Guy.  I just want to be happy.”

He replied very simply, “Well, that’s a very good goal to have.”

His answer seemed too simple. Too unemotional.  I felt dead inside, couldn’t he understand that?

I arrived in France an excited, but broken woman, and after the exhilaration of preparing and settling in to my beloved France, all my issues came rolling in to be healed.

I was so excited to be in France, as it had always been a dream of mine to live there, but real life set in and I wondered how I was going to feel genuinely happy…within my heart.  Or maybe it was inner peace I was seeking?  I didn’t know.

To say I was confused was an understatement.

I had had so much drama in my life.  One thing after another kept happening and I was exhausted, particularly after the recent event that I left behind in Canada.

Yet, a tiny piece of my soul was still shining and it desired more out of life.

It desired more of EVERYTHING…

One year earlier… ( from my actual diary)

“Well, here it comes – life has really gotten to me today.  I have to write in her today because I have a major decision to make – whether David and I stay together or not.

There has been so much going on with us for so long that I’ve not written about, so I don’t even know where to start.

I guess things REALLY started to escalate when we got married.  The constant berrating of how I did or didn’t do things.

How he used to “teach” me how to wipe the counter tops.

How he used to “teach” me how to get out of the shower so that no water went on the floor.

How I had to wrap the remote control in plastic and every day unfold a layer so no finger prints got on the remote.

I was literally backed into a corner so many times during arguments where I screamed at him to stop controlling me.

But this wasn’t all. We constatnly fought about money. In fact about 50% of our arguments are over money.  He gets so stressed about it that he takes it out on me.  He has started to become verbally abusive.

He doesn’t even allow me to have my own credit card!  And, I’m the one teaching all day, coming home, tutoring students, cooking dinner, doing the dishes, then going to teach piano so we can get this f—king house fixed up!

There is so much more I could say, but I was totally going into a depression.  I felt trapped in a horrible marriage.

I finally told David and things got a bit better but after 2 weeks everything returned to normal.  One night I was lighting candles for dinner and he blew them out.  “Why do we have to act?”, he said.

I felt my heart drop into my stomach. 

Was this going to be my life???

Today, my sister and I came home from enjoying a nice moccahino and David asked what price I got for my car insurance.  It turned out to be slightly higher than what he found and he flipped.

My stomach clenched and then I said calmly, “We’re going to work out down stairs.”

He then said, “It’s 4:30 and you haven’t even cooked dinner.  What am I going to eat?”

I got so mad and thought, “I don’t know, what ARE you going to eat???” But I said, “I’ll make you something after I exercise because Jana has to get home soon.

He slammed the door and walked out. 

After Jana went home David and I talked and argued and then decided that he definitely had to see a counselor for his stress and anger issues.

I love his soul but he has so much baggage to work out.

We need to re-start our relationship – to remember who we were when we fell in love with each other.  Should we live apart and date again to try and start over?

I’ll see how things go with the counselor but I am serious about having to end things. 

Having it be so close to being a reality is so heart wrenching, unbelievable, sad… and scary!

Oh my God, I feel something inside but I don’t want to admit it….

The Vice Principal at my school is in my head and I can’t stop thinking about him!

*Some names have been changed to protect their privacy*

Click HERE for  Part 2 of “The Making of A Spiritual Woman”. 

ekurt