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train station
CategoriesELEGANT BEAUTY, ELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, MANIFESTING PROSPERITY, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #25 (Train Station Goodbye)

Dear Diary,
Yikes! My brain is cluttered. I just want to take a hot bath with essential oils and have some soft music playing and candles burning…

I’m not able to do this right now, so instead I am choosing to listen to music, sing out loud and DANCE! This always makes me feel better:)

Things are just getting so complicated.

Guy is a wreck and actually making me scared.

Everywhere I am, he turns up! I’m driving, he’s beside me on the road. I’m at the train station, he’s there and wants to talk.

I’m at the movies and I feel his presence and boom! It turns out he was there!

And today, Emil, Sandra, her boyfriend and I were doing errands for my Italy trip and whose there? GUY!

I was paying at the cashier and looked up and there he was.

He said, “I promise I didn’t plan this.”

I’m feeling scared! Who IS this person?

Sandra and I were back at her place and Guy called. He was sobbing and saying he needed to talk. God! It’s April and at this exact time last year I felt exactly the same…

Stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, pressured. I started to cry, as I just couldn’t hold in all my emotions any more.

I agreed to let Guy come over for 5-10 minutes and what did he show up with? Flowers.

He told me to look at him and tell him it was over and would never be again.

“Regards moi, Erin. Regards moi et dis moi que c’est fini entre nous”. (“Look at me, Erin. Look at me and tell me it’s finished between us”)

I looked straight into his eyes and told him, “Guy, c’est fini.”

Somehow this helped him, so we just sat and talked in a very adult way about how things would be between us from now on.

After he left I felt a HUGE sense of relief. This was not the life I wanted. I needed to be FREE and continue learning who Erin was.

What do I like?

What do I want out of life?

I want to deepen my connection to God/Spirit/ what ever it is.

I WANT that. THAT is what my soul is desiring.

After a while, Emil and Sandra’s boyfriend came over. It felt SO good to have him there – a calm, happy presence.

We had an amazing time laughing and talking and connecting. Emil held my hand and guided me to sit on his lap so he could cuddle me.

We had such easy conversation and all I could think was, “Erin, is this your life?”

“You are with a gorgeous, dark-haired guy who treats you so kindly, so tenderly and is SO into learning about you, your life and your interests. I cannot believe this is your life!”

Dear Diary,
Today I went to Emil’s apartment and we ate lunch, sang songs together, watched a music concert on TV then decided to go for a walk near my house.

He was so excited to experience my world! He looked at all my photos from Canada with such delight and then asked for me to show him my favourite walk by my house.

Oh my goodness…

We walked through fields of flowers and chateaux taking photos, hugging and laughing…a lot!

I felt so loved and cared for. See? Guy isn’t the only man in the world who will treat me right!

Why did I think that? I would have settled if I had stayed with him!

But… I leave for Italy in 2 days – what can ever come of this?

Dear Diary,
Today I head to Italy!!! Guy was kind enough to take me to the dermatologists office to get the prescription for my acne. The doctor says I should notice a difference in a week – oh, I hope so!

Now, the plan was to meet at Emil’s house so I could say good-bye and he could take me to the train station.

I didn’t know what to do because Guy offered to drive me to the train station but I kept saying,

“No, it’s okay. I need to say good-bye to everyone from Prague anyway.”

So, he offered to drop me off there.

I hated this, but didn’t quite know what to say!

Emil and Sandra’s boyfriend were waiting outside for me – uh oh…

As soon as Emil saw me I could tell he was emotional.

Guy drove off and Emil came up to me, put his arm around my shoulders and walked me into the apartment.

Shit, I hope Guy was far enough away that he didn’t see that!

Emil and I spent our last couple of hours talking and kissing in his bedroom. We kept telling each other over and over how much we would miss each other and how sad we were that we met so late.

When I would return from Italy he would be back in Prague. This was a totally intense romance between us.

He asked to keep a picture of me and I could feel how intensely he felt for me when I gave it to him.

Oh God, what is this all about?

We walked to the Boulangerie to buy something for me to eat on the train and couldn’t stop touching eachother. He had to have his hand on my back and I had to be touching his hand – it was like we didn’t want to be disconnected from each other.

He even turned to me and said, “Erin, can you believe that today is one week exactly that we got together?”

What guy remembers those things…and in the middle of a grocery store??

I LOVE this!

We continued on to the train station and I felt a pit in my stomach.

One, because I was going to have to leave Emil and this amazing, new relationship and two, because I felt Guy’s energy somewhere.

I just felt that he was there, but I wasn’t going to ruin this beautiful moment.

Emil and I went to sit on a bench on the train station platform. We faced one another and stared into each other’s eyes while holding hands.

I felt like I was in a movie, a romantic, magical movie, when all of a sudden….

I turned to see Guy charging up the stairs of the train station.

I winced and said, “Guy, pourquoi tu fais ca?” (“Guy, why are you doing this?”)

He spit out, “I looked back in the mirror of my car! I knew this started when we were still together!”

I said, “Non, ce n’est pas vrai!” (“No, it’s not true”)

He stomped away, then turned back around and said to me,

“When you come back, you give me back my knapsack and then that’s it – I don’t want to see you!”

Then he turned to Emil and said, “This doesn’t bother you, hey? You probably like it!”

Emil and I were in shock. He kept saying the F word over and over and over again and told me how sorry he was that I was going to have to come back and deal with all of this by myself.

Wow, I felt so protected by his caring words.

We only had two minutes before my train arrived, so I put Guy out of my mind and just focused on Emil.

Soon the train arrived. We stood up and walked slowly to the carriage.

The door opened, we shared a tender kiss and then as I boarded the train, I felt his hand on my back. Oh, his touch…

The train started pulling away and just like in old movies, he walked alongside the train with his gaze fixated on mine.

As I stared out the window at him, the last thing I remember seeing is him kissing his fingers and raising them up into a peace sign.

I felt like crying because today, I’m leaving a true romance, I’ve hurt and angered someone who has respected and loved me unconditionally, and to top it all off, today, my divorce is legally over. Talk about endings….

So, here I sit, on a train in France, heading to Italy, and even with everything that just transpired a moment ago, I still am having the time of my life.

Join me HERE for the very last post in this series, where I share one of the biggest lessons I learned while in France.

See you tomorrow!

With love,

Erin Kurt

ekurt
beauty
CategoriesELEGANT BEAUTY, ELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #24 (The Power of Beauty)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Wow, 2017 is going to be an exquisite year hear on The Elegant Life Blog!  I cannot wait to share everything I have in store for you!!!

This week finalises the series of “The Making of a Spiritual Woman: A Pilgrimage That Began in Paris” – ready to see how this magical story finishes???  Let’s continue where we left off…me, a dark-haired man and the power of BEAUTY.)

Dear Diary,

The Fair was a display of art from around the world. Emil and I somehow ended up being alone looking at the Bulgaria and Prague displays. After admiring those countries, Emil excitedly searched for anything on Edmonton or Canada. I loved how excited he was to search for it!

One part of the fair was showcasing artistic kitchens! I looked at one kitchen and said, “Oooh, I love that.”

He looked at it and with total sincerity said, “Wow, it’s a beautiful kitchen.” I LOVE how guys are here! They appreciate beauty on a whole different level than North Amercian men do!

We had so much fun tasting foods that were being sampled and looking at all the displays, but I had to go.  Emil asked if we could exchange phone numbers and if we could get together the next day, just me, him, Sandra and her boyfriend.

Oh my god, was he feeling things for me too? I think so!!! There is such a connection between us, an indescribable comfort level.

I wasn’t walking, I was flying!

Yes, THIS is what was missing from Guy. I HAVE to be physically attracted to a guy. All the other things are necesary too, which Guy had, but this is just as important.

I can’t wait to see Emil tomorrow!

Dear Diary,

Today Sandra and I met up with her boyfriend and as soon as he saw me he asid, “Did you talk to Emil today?”

“No, why?” I said.

“He wanted to apologize for how he acted yesterday since he didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”

I replied quickly,”I don’t have a boyfriend.”

(He likes me!!!!)

We went to Sandra’s house and soon after arriving the phone rang. It was Emil. Sandra’s boyfriend grabbed the phone to speak to Emil and I could tell he was sharing with Emil the news that I didn’t have a boyfriend.

All of a sudden, he brought the phone to me…

“There’s someone who wants to talk to you.”

Emil sounded so happy to hear my voice and when I told him we were coming over right away he said with so much enthusiasm, “That’s great!”

When we arrived at Emil’s place his face lit up when he saw me. And then he gave me that warm embrace and kiss on the cheek again.

Seinfeld was on, so we all sat around the TV and laughed for an hour straight.

Ah!!! To listen to my own language again! To interact with a man in my own language.

To be with a sexy, dark-haired man who was kind and genuinely interested in me!!!

Emil and I talked the rest of the night and when I said we have to go he said, “No! It’s still early!”

I did have to go though, so he walked us outside. I said, “Well, hopefully we’ll see eachother again either this week or this weekend.”

He quickly repsonded with, “This week!”

This is so much fun but hey, they leave to go back to Prague in 2 weeks and I leave for Italy in 10 days, so fun is all it’s going to have to be.

Man, I’m already looking forward to seeing him again!

Dear Diary,

I have the worst news to share….Sandra is moving! Her family doesn’t need her anymore, so she is moving to Bretagne. What am I going to do without her???

I tried giving her lots of options on how she can stay here, but in the end she has to do what’s best for her.

Guy called today and wanted to come see me. He brought tulips, soya chocolate dessert, and the Sting CD that I love so much.

I realized right then and there that I cannot abuse my relationship with him. I had to figure this whole situation out. I have to make him understand that it’s over.  He has to really get it this time.

Later that night Emil called and was so happy to hear my voice. He told me he really wants to see me tomorrow.

What does he really want from me?

He’s leaving in 2 weeks! I don’t undestand but I’m just going to enjoy the time we have.

Oh yes, today I made an appointment with the dermatologist. I am committd to getting rid of this acne. Today the cleaning lady took me aside and asked if everything is all right with me.

“Oui. Pourquoi?” I replied.

“You must be allergic to something dear because you have pimples and bumps all over your face.”

acne

And then, later that night, Francois-Clement came to me on the sofa and said, “Erin, what are all those red dots on your face?”

I am actually shocked that I have all these guys telling me how wonderful I am, even with all these huge zits!

Maybe exuding inner beauty IS enough. Hmmm…

JOIN ME HERE for one of the most romantic scenes of my life – it involves a train station, just like a scene from an old movie – there’s also, a gorgeous, elegant lesson for you in here:)

With love,

Erin Kurt

ekurt
ends and new beginnings
CategoriesELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #23 (Endings & NEW Beginnings)

I told Guy. I told him everything; that I need to be alone, that I just got out of a 9 year relationship and  that I just need time to be by myself for a while.

He was so upset.

We just sat there, holding hands, in silence. In between the silence he asked me, three times, “Do you want me to wait until after March?

I said “No” three times.

I felt in my heart that this was exactly what I needed to do. Much like the night I told David I wanted a divorce.

I am not ready to be with someone right now and I KNOW that when I go back to Canada I want to experience living by myself.

He stayed for an hour and when he got up to leave he grabbed me for a hug, burst out crying and said, “Je t’aime tres fort, Erin” (I love you so much, Erin.)

It actually shocked me how much emotion he had. I felt like I should be crying too, however I felt the opposite – my soul felt open and free again.

When you have a knowingness inside, you don’t doubt yourself. You KNOW you’re doing the right thing.

Chere Diary,

A few days passed and my sickness has increased.

All in all I just feel like crap; coughing and aching all over.

On a positive note, Guy called and told me that he is doing better and not to worry about him; just to take my time and think about myself.

I realized that this month my divorce is final…perhaps that’s why I’ve been so emotional and perhaps why my body is cleansing itself with this sickness.

I’ve had a few really deep cry sessions in my bedroom.

My divorce is really hitting me and I’m feeling so incredibly emotional.

Chere Diary,

Guess what? I’m going to Italy with the other au pair I’ve been writing back and forth with!!!

This could not come at a better time, honestly.

I need to get away. Be with ERIN again. Explore and experience life without stress. I can’t WAIT!

My pneumonia is almost gone, so I’m feeling better too. By the time we go next month I should be perfect. Yippeee! I feel ALIVE again.

And…a plus side of my sickness is that I’ve lost weight! I’m looking and feeling more like Erin again!

I tried on my jeans and they fit very comfortably!!! Whoo Hooo! Life is turning around!

Oh, guess what? Sandra has a boyfriend!!! He’s into spirituality, yoga and energy work! I’m SO happy for her!

She really wants me to meet him and her friends from the other language school. That would be fun! I’m up for meeting new people!

Chere Diary,

Oh my God, it’s 3:10am but I just HAD to write!!!!

Tonight, Sandra and I went to the mall to write some emails and do some shopping.

We got hungry so we tried to think of where to go.  Earlier in the day I had a thought rush into my head, “You need to go to McDonalds”.

“What???” I thought.

When I asked Sandra what she felt like eating she said, “How about McDonalds?”

Whoah!  

We went, and after I got over the fact that I had just eaten FAT, this guy comes up to us and says, “Hi, I overheard you speaking English and I wondered if I could join you.”

He was doing a work experience from Ireland and was dying to speak English.

We all got along instantly and exchanged phone numbers.  He asked what we were up to tonight and and we invited him along to a night club where we were going to meet Sandra’s boyfriend and friends.

I really didn’t want to have Guy come because I wanted to feel free, but we promised him.

As soon as we entered the club a guy came up to Sandra to hi and I thought,

“WHOAH! Is that her boyfriend????? He’s fricking GORGEOUS!”

Apparently, that was her friend, Emil. Dark, thick-haired, tanned skin, Emil.

Everyone spoke English so we chatted and laughed and I felt like I could really, truly express myself.  It was a BLAST!  Except that Guy was acting like we were still dating.

All night I tried to move away from him so I could talk with other people but he kept following me, almost as if he was saying I was HIS.

This angered me.  “Just let me BE! I am NOBODY”S property!” I wanted to say.

The Irish guy asked me to dance and while dancing Guy came up and started dancing with us – Argh!

I just wanted to be free and alone, but twice, while I was chatting with everyone, Guy leaned in and kissed me on the cheek!  I saw that Emil witnessed this and I wanted to explain profusely that we weren’t a couple!!!!

Anyway, I danced and danced and my soul came alive.  I could sense that the Irish guy, Gary, was interested, but was Emil?  I thought so at times, but he was also chatting with the pretty, SLIM Swedish girl too.

God, he dressed cool and was so funny and handsome.

And, he knew about the Edmonton Oilers!!!! Being from Bulgaria and living in Prague he was totally into ice hockey.  Wow!!! A piece of home!!!

Gary, Emil and I had an absolute blast laughing, talking and dancing.  Sandra said how wonderful it was that I was mingling so well with everyone because then she didn’t feel pressure when she went off with her guy.

Gary couldn’t believe it when he found out I had never met these people before – it was the first time. He said, “Wow, you sure fit in with everyone!”

It was because I was ERIN. In her element.  Happy.  Free. Dancing.

Guy felt tired so he finally left.  I was relieved.  Emil asked me to dance to a slow song and it felt amazing.

Now HE was my type.  In fact he was perfect.

After our dance, Emil invited me to a big art fair in town.  He was into Art???? Hello!

Gary said he’d drop all of us off and when we dropped Emil off Emil came to my side, opened the door and said, “What time do you want to go to the fair? I’ll be there.”

I’m in dream land…..

Dear Diary,

Oh wow, what a fantastic weekend!

I went to pick up Emil and another girl first.  I was excited to see him.  He looked so good and dressed really cool.

He gave me a VERY warm embrace and kiss on the cheek. I felt my eyes roll back in my head and my stomach flip.

We then picked up Sandra and her guy and went to the art fair.

I dropped everyone off at the door and was going to then find a parking spot.  Emil stayed with me – :)))))

We walked into the fair together and it felt incredible.  

How will this all play out? Will Emil be the REAL guy of my dreams?  Watch HERE.

ekurt
CategoriesELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #22 (Pneumonia & The Buddhist Temple)

Chere Diary,

Am I superficial because Guy’s clothing style turns me off and he doesn’t have the thick, dark hair I desire?

I’m feeling really confused and just want to be alone for a while.

Last night Sandra, Guy and I went to the movie, “Le Pire et la Meillure” with Jack Nicholson.  It was a great movie.

After the movie Guy asked if I wanted to come up to his place, but I was so into being alone that I said no.

I know Guy felt my state of confusion because the next day he asked me what I was feeling yesterday.

I explained (kind of) and he understood that I needed time alone.

The next morning I woke up and felt fantastic.  God, I LOVE being alone, doing what I want, when I want.  I watched program after program on TV, listened to music, sang, ate…

Then later I went for a walk with Sandra and Guy.  After the walk Sandra and I went back to her place and cooked while listening to Andrea Bochelli.

We ate, talked and drank tea until 6am!!

We covered every topic under the sun.  It felt amazing to connect and bond with her again.

The next day Guy came to pick me up because I have la grippe (the flu); he said he’d take care of me.

He treated me like I’ve always dreamed.  He prepared a beautiful meal for me and prepared sage tea for me since I also have my period; sage tea is supposedly good for women who have their period. What a guy!

He then cuddled me, prepared a pillow and blanket for me and told me to take a nap. Then he meditated beside me and all I felt was complete compassion and understanding.

I woke up and he gave me a back, neck and face massage with tiger balm oil. I wanted to cry and out of my mouth almost came,

“Why do you care for me so much???”

He stares at me with such love in his heart.  I know exactly how he feels and that I am the ONLY one for him. Something I never felt from Matt.

I respect myself for realizing what I needed from Matt and that he wasn’t giving me.

It’s so important to know who you are and what you really require.

Got to go to sleep as I feel so sick and exhausted.

_________________________________________

Chere Diary,

What a week I’ve had.  I have never been so sick.  I literally lay on my back for a week without moving. Except to go to the doctor.  I have pneumonia.  I’m getting better now with the medication, but this week Sandra, Guy and I had planned on going to the Buddhist Centre in Bretagne and I really didn’t want to miss it.

I went but spent most of the time sleeping in the car or in different rooms in the temple.

One night I felt a bit better so Guy asked if I’d be well enough to come to the special ceremony they were having. He said he had a surprise for me.

I DO love a surprise so I mustered up some energy to go.  He was very proud at being “dressed up” but it SO wasn’t attractive.  I like a man who has real style. God Erin, this is terrible of you! You shouldn’t care about this!

All of a sudden, Guy walked on stage and said,

“Cette chanson est dédiée à une personne très spéciale. Elle s’appelle “la Paix” en l’honneur de son nom et de son essence.”

(This song is dedicated to a very special person.  It’s titled, “PEACE” in honour of her name and her essence.)

Guy had always loved the fact that my name, Erin, meant Peace.  He said it was my essence and that I exuded it.

How in the world could this man love me so much and all I’m thinking right now is, “His pants are too short and that orange vest has got to go!”

Later that night I lay in bed and thought to myself, “Guy is getting so unbelievably serious and with my state of mind lately, I have to end things.”

I feel like I’m staying with him because he loves me so much and I don’t want to hurt him.  But, even though he has helped me heal and grow and open up to what I really want from a relationship, I know deep in my heart that he isn’t THE ONE.

I just got out of a 9 year intense relationship and the last thing I want to do is get into something else that I’m not fully sure about and miss all the other gifts that my time in France can give me.

Plus, I miss just being with Sandra.  I miss being carefree and not having someone intensely stare at me all the time.

I promised myself that “This Year is For Me” In fact, I wrote it at the beginning of this journal and I have to honor myself.  No more doing things to make or keep other people happy.

When he drops me off at home I’m going to tell him.

Join me tomorrow HERE when I share what happens when we as women honour our desires and true knowingness inside…the Universe responds VERY quickly with “gorgeous” gifts – pun intended:)

ekurt
dreams can come true
CategoriesELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #21 (**Dreams CAN Come True**)

Chère Diary…

Oh my goodness, day by day I am feeling more and more for Guy.

Two nights ago Sandra, Guy and I went to a movie, “The Chacal”.  Then Guy drove me back to my car at his house and we just couldn’t say good-bye!

We ended up going up to his place and spent a beautiful 2 1/2 hours together.

The way he looks at me is just the way I always dreamed a man would look at me.  He truly cares about ME, more than anyone ever has.  It’s a spiritual love and such a deep, deep caring.

The next night Sandra and I went over to Guy’s house for dinner.

What an AMAZING cook he is!  As he cooked we snuck kisses and touches.  At one point he whispered in my ear,

“Yier soir était trop court” (Last night was too short)

I giggled and then felt my eyes roll back in my head remembering it all!

Tomorrow he’s taking me to a man made lake. Ahhhhh…I don’t even have words for how I feel right now.

Chère Diary…

Today was magical.

I arrived at Guy’s house and as soon as we saw each other we hugged and kissed and then ended up making love for 2 ½ hours!

We then decided to go to walk in the forest.

Guy and I both adore spending time in nature, and today he suggested he take me to his favourite forest.  One that is his favourite spot to meditate.

Ahhhh….inner peace and bliss doesn’t even begin to describe what I was experiencing as I walked through the forest and meditated with him.

meditation in france

He has a very strong Buddhist practise that he does and I love balancing my chakras and just being still.

The silence, the birds, the quiet, the peace….this is ME.

There is absolutely nothing more  special in this world than being your true self and really living it.  

Erin, I am so proud of you.  You followed your dream!

You gave yourself permission to come here to France, even amongst all your doubts and insecurities.  I love you!

After we finished meditating we felt hungry, so we went to buy some fresh lettuce for dinner and a little treat at la Patisserie.

Guy and I both felt so enamoured by how perfect the day was so we couldn’t keep our hands off each other!

As soon as we arrived at his house we had another 2 hour session!

Have I mentioned that I actually experience the big “O” with Guy?  Yes!!!! Never in my life did I think I would get to understand what that was.  I never experienced it with anyone, but with Guy, I have!!!

What are you doing to me, Guy?

Who ARE you???

Now we were totally hungry, so Guy cooked the spaghetti I had bought and I made my famous sauce.

Frank Sinatra was playing in the background, and as we moved around the kitchen we hugged, kissed and cooked…just like the dreams I used to have.

He wasn’t acting and I wasn’t acting.  This was real.  This was natural.

And let me tell you, when Guy set the table and lit candles for us to eat by candlelight, I almost broke down crying. Everything I had ever wanted and asked David for was being done for me, without me even asking. Thank you, God!

We had great conversation and then before dessert, Guy came over to me, took my napkin off my lap and pulled me up to dance.

Okay……..can he fulfill any MORE of my dreams???

After dinner we talked, listened to more music and once again made love.

The way he looks into my eyes and touches me is so different than anyone else.  It’s a spiritual, healing experience and the emotions are going wild yet at a calm pace – this is just so amazing.

So, why do I still feel so unsure of Guy?  

Join me tomorrow HERE when I do a complete 180 and make a decision that might make you go, “Erin, NO!” (Trust me, if I were the person reading the post I may do the same, but…)

Have YOU ever felt totally confused about something?  A job?  A business? A partner? A relationship? A move?  I’d love to hear about it and how you moved through it!

ekurt