I spent the rest of the day playing with the kids, eating with the family and trying to figure out how I really felt and what my soul really wanted.
Sandra said she knew all along that Guy liked me. It was obvious she said.
My big worry was that I didn’t want anything to ruin our friendship and the synergy between all three of us.
Sandra was extremely supportive as she thought Guy and I had a lot in common. So, I decided to go to Guy’s house that night.
Before I went, I sat down with my diary to try and work through what my soul wanted.
Chère Diary,
Okay, a lot has happened and I really need to sort through things.
Today Guy and I went shopping at an organic store – man he is always so damn thoughtful! He knew I had been missing my soya products and specialty flours, so he surprised me and took me there.
After, we went for a LONG walk since the weather was so gorgeous. It felt incredible to be with him. It was easy and I felt so comfortable to just be ME.
There was an ease, a peace.
All I kept thinking was, “THIS is how I always want to feel in a relationship. I want to be fully accepted. To fully be able to talk about spirituality, life, organic healthy food and…”
I’m scared. So scared. But…I also feel excited. My insides are flipping!
Could this be the LOVE that my horoscope told me about?
Could Guy Be My Soulmate?
Okay, here is the kind of man I desire:
Honest
Giving
Completely devoted to me and my happiness
Spiritual like me
Dark, Thick hair
Well toned body – likes to keep in shape
Cooks
Loves life
Good sense of humour
Great lover
Someone who I feel is “IT”, no doubts
Loves art and music like me, or even more than me
Plays an instrument or sings
Enjoys nature
How does Guy size up to this list?
Man! He aligns with almost every one except #5 and #11, and I’m not sure about #10 yet;)
Well, I’m going to go and hear what Guy is feeling and thinking. Should be interesting!
Chère Diary,
Okay, Guy and I drank chai tea and talked about everything we had in common. Guy also admitted that from the very first day we met, he felt I was “IT”, “The One”.
We laughed, talked and shared how we felt and then listened to music. Suddenly, Guy took my hand. The electricity was HUGE!
We both looked at our hands then looked up at each other’s eyes… and kissed.
The electricity between us was intense….different than between Matt and I.
We were both feeling SO much emotion!
God, I felt womanly!
Suddenly, Guy stopped kissing me and without even saying a word, asked if I wanted to make love.
I was 100% in. This experience was different than anything I’d ever experienced before.
I don’t know why but the emotion I felt, the intimacy between us, was on a different level. It was spiritual.
He was saying all kinds of things in French:
Pince-moi, c’est vrai ca? he said. (Pinch me, is this real?)
Tu me conduis fou! ( You drive me crazy!)
And then… Je t’aime, Erin.(Uh-Oh… you know what THAT means!)
This scared me a bit. But, why did it feel so amazing to hear a man say that to me again? And to know that he really, REALLY meant it?
I needed to go so Guy walked me to my car. He told me he felt like he was in a dream, and I have to admit, I did too.
Wow! Did I just experience this? A romance in France? With a beautiful soul?
My God..how my life has changed, opened up, and totally become what I’ve always dreamed about.
Join me HERE where I share the continuation of this story…and it’s not what you’d expect.
I stood there in shock, not really knowing what to say.
The next thing to come out of my mouth was, “Ah bon?” (“Oh yeah?”)
(Oh my God Erin, what was THAT?)
Guy started speaking so fast saying,
“When you stretched out your arms for me, it was my sign that you felt as I do. I asked the Universe to give me a sign and this was it! I knew it from the beginning, Erin.”
(It was a sign? I was just being my Canadian huggy self!)
Racing through my head, all in a millisecond, was:
When I think of us together I feel very happy, but at the same time I’m scared. I’ve only been in France for 3 months and I want to explore life by myself. If I dance with someone I can and I like that. I don’t want to be tied down.
Argh! Sometimes I think I’m ready for a relationship and other times I think, “NON!!!, NON!!! pas mainteant (not now). Nothing serious!
Out of my mouth came,
“Guy, je ne sais pas. Je t’aime mais je ne sais pas si j’ai l’amour pour toi comme tu as pour moi.” (I don’t know, Guy. I like you, but I don’t know if I have love for you like you do for me.”
“Tu m’aime? Je le savais!” (You love me? I knew it!)
Huh? Je t’aime?
Here’s where the tricky part comes in with the French language.
They simply do not have the phrase, “I like you.” ‘I like you’ and ‘I love you’ are the same.
I kept trying to explain what I meant by I LIKE you, but I don’t know if I LOVE you.
I tried saying, “I mean I Love you. You are an incredible person, but I don’t know if I LOVE you.”
Can you see the problem? He was so confused but so blissful at the same time!
He told me to come to his house later so we could talk more.
He gave me a huge hug and then left while walking backwards, staring me square in the eyes with such an intense look on his face.
Oh. My. God. What just happened???
Do I go to his house tonight? What if he gets too intense? Oh, I don’t want to lose our friendship!
Time for a call to Sandra to sort this out.
Join me HEREto see if I go and what happens next – big hint!!! France is the country of l’amour:)
P.S. What do you think I do? Should do? Have you ever experienced this situation? What did YOU do? Let’s chat in the comments below!
Well, I did it! I survived a Christmas alone, in France! We had a really nice day – lots of eating, laughs and calls from home.
I am feeling so much JOY right now and it’s really helping me speak more fluidly!
I am noticing that whenever I feel joy throughout my body I feel more courageous to speak with people, to ask for the car and to experience life here fully. Interesting.
There was actually a concert of Celine Dion on TV tonight and I loved it!!!
She is a role model to me.
Celine shows that a woman can be wealthy, happy, in love beyonds words and live life with joy…and it’s OK. This is what I want.
_________________________ It is the afternoon of le 31 decembre and I am feeling very reflective.
I remember the feeling of utter depression and hopelessness at this time last year. David and I had hosted a New Years Eve party and although we had fun with friends, when the clock struck midnight, my heart dropped.
I only ever had 1 New Years Eve romantic kiss from him…when I was 17 years old. He told me he loved me, but since then, nothing.
Every New Years Eve I would hope, but was always left feeling so alone and disappointed.
Where was the passion between a husband and a wife? Where you thanked God for bringing the two of you together and you BOTH felt love and deep, deep feelings for one another? Was I just stupid for thinking this could ever exist?
Well, I have begun to realize NO.
Being here in France I have learned so much about myself and how I want to love and be loved.
Sandra came from no where and I love her.
Guy came from no where and I love him. He has shown me, by example, how to be comfortable in one’s own skin and how to have compassion for others, on a whole new level.
I have been spending every last second with Sandra and Guy and each day we laugh so hard that my stomach hurts and I almost pee my pants!
All three of us are looking for the exact same kind of love and won’t settle again for anything less.
We all LOVE music, laughing, art, spirituality and FOOD!
I feel like the luckiest person. Yet, I have some sadness inside because I miss being in love. I have so much love built up inside of me right now and I just want to to hug and kiss Guy to let it out.
But, I’m so scared of losing my independence or becoming so lost in love that I don’t continue to follow my dreams.
I keep telling myself, “Live for TODAY, Erin!” but my insides resist this.
I tend to always live for the future and I KNOW this is wrong.
It negates the happiness right now. I will definitely work on this.
Here’s to a new year and an even better life.
What will happen in 1998? I won’t even try to guess!
Chère Diary,
Oh man, I have GOT to get my weight under control! I have fallen off the wagon again from emotional eating and gained even MORE weight! I tried on my black dress and could barely do it up!
I started laughing instead of crying, which is interesting for me.
“Could it have shrunk accidentally?” I wondered. So I tried on my black pants and could barely do them up too.
No, it’s definitely me and my butt!
Less fat, more activity. I will walk more and get to sleep at a good hour so I have more energy to work out.
It’s my birthday soon and I really want to feel good on the day. ______________________________ Chère Diary,
It’s my birthday!!!
Sandra and Guy planned an an incredbile dinner party for me. I am SO LUCKY to have them in my life!
I have two best friends… here…in France…and we only speak French!!! Am I dreaming?????
Is this actually my life???
For my present, they both chipped in and gave me a new bottle of my signature perfume “Beautiful”.
We talked, laughed and drank a lot of champagne, and at one point we got into a tickling fight on the sofa.
Actually, Guy was really focusing on me.
I am sensing that he feels something for me. And, if I’m completely honest, I feel an attraction for him too, but would never, ever want to do something to ruin our friendship. It is far too special to do that.
I think it’s just the fact that we have so much in common and he’s not had friends like us either, so he is loving the feeling of JOY when he’s with us.
The strange thing is that he always seems to know what I need at the time I’m thinking I need it!
How bizarre is this??
For example, yesterday, I thought, “I wonder if Guy will remember that I like flowers and that I really feel like eating a fruit pie.
He brought BOTH to the party!
And two days before that, I was telling Jean-Do and Maelle that I really would like to find a bottle of Maple Syrup so I could make Canadian pancakes for them.
Who shows up later that day with a “little something for me”? Guy!!! With a bottle of maple syrup!!! Does he have me bugged???
We finished my birthday by watching a movie called, “Forget Paris”. We all loved it.
What an incredible and memorable 26th birthday.
Gosh, every weekend we go to different forests and beaches to walk around and explore We always end up doing yoga or meditation in the forest, which is peaceful beyond words. And, just the other day, we had a traditional French picnic with cold quiche and salad, and later played frisbee.
I feel like I am living the real Erin, down to the atomic level.
I know that sounds weird, but it’s the only way I know how to explain what I feel right now. I am 100% me, even on the spiritual level.
Chère Diary, I woke up today and realized that I had forgotten to take the movie from Guy’s house. It was due back at the video store today, so I called Guy. He told me he’d come pick me up so we could take it back together.
I was a bit nervous to be with him alone. I felt a bit shy without Sandra being there. He and I had never been alone together and…
Whenever we give each other the 4 bisous (4 kisses) on the cheek there is an electricity that goes between us. I don’t know what to make of this.
I love Guy’s spirituality, his views on life, his humour, his kindness, how he cooks, his beautiful eyes, his love of music (especially when he plays that one song on the pan flutes!), but there is something not quite ALL there.
After we dropped off the movie, Guy surprised me by taking me to a health food store! He knew how much I had been craving certain health foods.
As we walked around the store I could feel the energetic tension between us.
Whenever we talk and look into each other’s eyes there’s the weirdest thing that happens! I literally FEEL a buzz of hot energy between us!
Anway, Guy drove me back home and helped me carry my bags into the garage.
I put down my bags, turned around to say a huge thank you for taking me to the organic store, reached out my arms to do the “Canadian thing” and give him a big hug and…
BOOM! He pulled me towards him, laid the most passionate kiss on me and said,
“Erin, je savais que c’etait toi.”
Join me HEREwhen I translate this and share what transpired after my unintentional expression of love!!!!
Have YOU ever experienced this kind of electricity with someone? What did you share in common? What were the qualities that attracted you to him/her? I’d LOVE to hear all about it in the comments!
Clission was as beautiful as you’d image a Medieval town to look and feel like in France during the lead up to Christmas.
It has a gorgeous castle right in the middle of the old town and Christmas markets with trinkets, ornaments, food and mulled wine lining the cobble stoned streets leading to the art gallery.
Christmas music was playing in the streets and there was a gorgeous river flowing through the middle of the town. Oh my God it was beautiful – Sandra and I just couldn’t get over it!
The art exhibit was by Pedro, Guy’s friend. Pedro is an absolutely superb person and terrific artist.
His paintings are stunning and I so enjoyed looking closely at them to try and decipher the techniques he was using.
I felt so inspired to try and paint myself. I WILL paint in France.
We walked around the market and along the beautiful river. Sandra walked with her friend and I walked with Guy. I felt so at ease with him that the words were rolling off my tongue.
How could I feel so at ease with this person? And so quickly?
He asked me why I was in France and it felt so amazing to feel comfortable to talk to him about reincarnation – that I felt like I once lived here and that is why I think my soul has been yearning to come live here ever since I was 8 years old.
He totally understood and “got this”. What???
Was I actually able to speak without censoring myself? Laugh without worrying I’m being too loud? Speak in French… with a man??? In France???
After a while we got cold, so we went to a little cafe to drink un chocolat chaud and warm up.
We were all having such a great time so Guy invited us over to his place at 9:00pm. After the drive back though I felt very tired and suggested Wednesday instead.
We all agreed.
I cannot wait!
_________________ mercredi, le 21 decembre,1997 (Wednesday)
Chère Diary,
Youpppi! J’aime ma vie!!! (Yippeee! I love my life!)
We all met at Guy’s house tonight and his brother, the monk, and two other friends were there. Guy made homemade, traditional Chai tea and we all sat on the floor in le salon, where he teaches yoga, and just chatted and laughed for hours.
Everyone left except Sandra and I. We stayed until 4:30am!!!
We all shared personal details about our past relationships. God, it was fantastic being able to talk to him about yoga, births, changing the baby’s position by asking it to move, meditation, visualization, compassion, vegetarianism…everything!!!
It was the weekend, so I slept over at Sandra’s house. We slept in until 12:30pm then got ready to go meet up with Guy again.
He had invited us to a Buddhist talk. I really didn’t understand that much but it still felt great to be in the energy of the room when they chanted in Tibetan.
I just sat with my eyes closed and balanced my chakras. It felt incredible. I got “that feeling” again where I am lifting out of my body. Does that happen to everyone? I must ask Guy.
I also received 3 messages:
It is absolutely necessary for me to balance myself and mediate as often as I can, if not everyday.
It IS possible to heal my back, my hips and this damn acne that has surfaced on my face!
I require more healthy eating, more meditation and more compassion for myself and others.
I now put out to the Universe my intention for my life…
My intention is to learn that life doesn’t need to have struggles. I want to be an example for people that you can be healthy, fit and happy, and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is more beautiful to be that (all that) than to endure hardships all the time. This is my goal.
I want to be an example like Goldie Hawn. People admire and respect her, and are in awe of her happiness. That’s me, and I’ll continue to get better and better as time goes on.
I am not interested in following Buddhism religiously but the philosophies are great and becoming one with the self and gaining compassion for all living things is fantastic and perfect for me.
Bonne nuit!
Join me HERE when a hilarious misunderstanding turns into l’amour of the deepest kind.
P.S. Do you have a wish for your life?
Do you desire to BE a certain kind of woman but don’t feel like it right now?
Do you admire a certain woman (famous or not) and secretly wish that you could BE, DO, or HAVE what she has?
I’ve met a friend!!! Oh, thank the Universe! In my language class is a 25 year old Mexican girl named Sandra. She laughs like me and we have SO MUCH in common!!!
We went out to dinner and talked for hours and hours, sharing intimate details of our lives. It’s like we’ve known each other before.
Finally, someone to share this experience with. I’ve been feeling so lonely.
My typical day is: – wake up – take the boys to school – teach – come home – meditate, do some breathing exercises, and then some yoga – write letters, do some chores – go pick the boys up, do homework with them – then play games with them – eat dinner, do dishes – read with Maelle and Jean – Do. in le salon – go to bed
It’s very low key and my French is getting much more fluid, but I don’t feel like ME. I’m bored.
Being with Sandra makes me feel like I’m ALIVE again. She’s been here longer than me so she knows a few more people.
YEAH! I cannot wait to begin living life like Erin again!
In fact, I have “Felt my fear and done it anyway” and asked to use the car so Sandra and I can drive to La Rochelle, a beautiful city near the ocean, tomorrow!
Chère Diary,
Well, we were all set to go to La Rochelle when Sandra told me a friend invited her to an art exhibit in Clisson, a nearby town, and would I like to come?
She thought I’d be excited to know that another friend is coming along who is a yoga teacher.
To be honest, I was really disappointed. I’ve never been good with plans changing at the last minute. And, why was our plan so easy to toss out?
I felt a bit of anger arise within me, but now that I’ve been reading the Dalai Lama and Deepak Chopra books I am trying to go with the flow more. There must be a reason this is happening, so I changed my attitude and said, “Okay.”
Maybe I could get some good yoga tips for my butt! It seems to be growing by the day with all the cheese and patisseries I’ve been eating!
Chère Diary,
I can’t write much right now because I’m so tired, but today was magnificent!
Sandra and I went for lunch and the yoga teacher was going to come and meet us and take us to where Sandra’s other friend was waiting.
Secretly, I wondered, “Is he going to be handsome?” I craved love and attention.
While we ate dessert, Guy, the yoga teacher walked in.
He wasn’t the dark haired French guy I was envisioning…in fact his hairline was receding, but WOW, he had incredible energy. What WAS that?
Guy sat with us and was so at ease. I liked this. Oooh, I LOVE being around people who have beautiful energy. This was going to be a fun day after all!
Sandra, Guy and I got in the car and on the journey we all chatted so effortlessly about yoga, how he teaches from his home, how he is a Buddhist (WOW! I’m reading a Dalai Lama book right now!!!), how his brother is a Buddhist monk (WOW! Maybe I can learn from him!), how he loves cooking and eating and playing the pan flutes….
I was getting a buzz out of this conversation!!!
I went from being lonely and slightly depressed to feeling ALIVE and excited and so, so curious!
Talking about spirituality, yoga and Buddhism thrilled me! And yes, with so much in common, I began feeling a slight attraction to Guy.
Somehow I feel a connection to his soul and I can’t explain why.
Guy, Sandra and I finally arrived in Clisson and it was magical…in every respect.
Join me HEREwhen I share with you the magic that occurred in Clisson, as well as some of the pictures I took on this very day!
Love,
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