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Month: February 2017

CategoriesHOME DECOR, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE

How to Use the * Konmari Method * to Become a Woman Who Lives Elegantly

Marie Kondo, creator of The Konmari Method, got it right when she said,

When you surround yourself with possessions that spark joy, you’ll create a life and home you love.

In Marie’s book, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up”, she teaches an elegant method that will help you get to know yourself better and create a life and home that truly represents you and the life you desire to live.

Want to have a little tour of my home?

Come inside and I’ll show you some things that spark JOY in me and how you can use my tips and Marie’s to fully become a Woman Who Lives Elegantly.

Now, if we relate the Konmari Method to The Elegant Life, which is a life filled with:

  • a knowing of who you really are
  • a knowing of how to move through life with ease & elegance
  • a knowing of inner peace
  • a knowing of your beauty & signature self
  • a knowing of what brings you JOY and continuously adding more of it to your life
  • a knowing of what your gifts and passions are and how to express them in the world
  • a knowing that you are part of Divine energy
  • and a knowing that Life is Beautiful!

We can see that The Konmari Method is a method that women can use to help them live The Elegant Life! Because, when we focus on JOY, as Marie Kondo suggests, we are in direct alignment with the essence of The Elegant Life.

When we ask the possessions in our home, “Do you spark JOY within me?” we are literally creating our Elegant Life by letting go of what isn’t us and isn’t serving us, and only keeping and letting in the things that represent who we are and the life we truly desire to live.

French Homes and the Konmari Method

There is something I have always adored about French homes and french decor.  When you visit someone’s home in France you really get a sense of who the owners are.

French homes are not always typically “beautiful” or put together like you’d see in a magazine, but they ooze individuality and presence.

They have a personality, an essence all unto themselves and you REALLY get to know more about whoever’s home you’re in.

It’s a pleasure to walk around and hear stories about the possessions they have on display.  

It’s so intriguing to witness the colour palettes they use.

And again, it’s not that the decor looks perfect, it’s how the person has used their home as another way to express their signature self.

Have a look at these Parisian Apartments featured on TheArchitectualDigest website.

konmari method
konmari method
konmari method
konmari method
konmari method

I have walked through many beautiful homes and felt no soul whatsoever, and I have walked through very modest homes and felt absolutely enamoured by them.

The difference?

The owner’s sense of self and a knowingness of who they are and what sparks JOY within them.

Take a moment right now and wander around your home, or simply spin around in your chair and look around the room you’re currently in… does it show who you are?  Does everything in it spark JOY within you?

If someone were to walk into your home, would they be able to know something about you without you even speaking?

A Parisian in My Home!

A few months back we had our friends over for dinner; Jean-Louis, the husband, is Parisian.

The moment Jean-Louis walked into my home he began wandering.  He looked at everything I had on my walls and the things I had on little tables and as he did this I could hear him saying, “Oh!” and “Mmmmm…”.

I have to admit that the francophile in me LOVED that he, the Parisian, found my home fascinating and interesting. 

The real feeling in me though, was one of happiness.  Because I could see him enjoying our home and learning more about us as a result.

One object intrigued him enough to ask a question and this opened up a whole beautiful discussion.

So I ask you again, hoping not to sound too redundant, “Does your home spark JOY in you?”

Do the clothes you own, the blankets that cover you, the photos and pictures on the walls, represent YOU?

What do they say about you?

If you don’t feel your home represents you, then I highly recommend you begin using the Konmari Method that Marie Kondo so beautifully teaches.

This month on the blog we have been focusing on knowing yourself, honouring yourself and loving yourself…

Has anything shifted for you in your life this month after reading the blog posts?  I’d be so curious to hear about it!

I’ve already heard from some women who say they have given themselves more permission this month to enjoy things they love.

Ça c’est merveilleux!

Next week we will end this month’s theme with a BIG CELEBRATION as the winner of the Self-Love Challenge will be announced!!!

Stay tuned for that!

With so much love,

signatt

 

 

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  elegant living

ekurt
finding happiness
CategoriesMANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE

Finding Happiness – How to Find it & Sustain it the Elegant Way

Did you know that there are over 62,000 books written on “finding happiness”?

This shows that there millions of people searching for fulfilment and happiness.

In fact, did you know that Dubai has created a Minister of Happiness position?

Yes! Finding happiness is a major focus right now and I LOVE this!  However, I want you to know what Women Who Live Elegantly know.

I want you to know how Women Who Live Elegantly define and experience happiness, as well as sustain it.

Curious?  Read on and/or watch the video above.

Finding Happiness & Sustaining Happiness

The dictionary defines happiness as:

 a mental or emotional state of well-being defined by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

A Woman Who Lives Elegantly’s definition of happiness is:

 the state of contentment, fulfilment & joy that I experience as a result of doing, being and enjoying what my soul desires.

Notice that happiness from a Woman Who Live Elegantly’s point of view is a state that she is directly capable of creating in her life.

Now, in order to create this state, she must do three things…

Step 1:

Spend time getting to know herself.

Step 2: 

Spend time listening to her soul.

Step 3:

Give herself permission to do, be and enjoy what her soul says it desires.

Let’s look at each of these in more depth now.

Spend Time Getting to Know Yourself

I can remember many times in my life that I have admired a woman because she seemed to really KNOW herself.

She really knew her style, she really knew what she loved to do for enjoyment, she knew her taste in music and home decor, she had some signature dishes she loved to cook…she just had that “Je ne sais quoi”.

Now, when I say that I admired the women, I actually meant that I envied them.  I didn’t know what they knew and it made me so depressed and was left feeling empty, plain, boring, uninteresting, lost…you get the picture.

One day, in my early 20’s I asked an older friend, who definitely KNEW her style and likes, etc. (she oozed “Je ne sais quoi”!), “How did you find your style?  How do you KNOW what you like in life?  Her answer was, “I don’t know, I just do.”

Ugh, that was a depressing answer.  I wanted so much to have an air about me, an essence, a knowingness of who I was, but no one could guide me!

If you feel this way right now…maybe not as desperately as my 20 year old self, but subtly enough that your soul is resonating with what I’m saying here, then I would invite you to purchase the book, “Style Statement” by Danielle LaPorte and Carrie McCarthy.  

It was such a beautiful experience to explore myself the way in which this book guides you to!  I really cannot recommend it enough.

  It takes you into every crevice of who you are. Watch the video above to see inside MY book!

Spend Time Listening to Your Soul

You will hear me saying this over and over again and I will never stop because it is the KEY to your happiness…Ask your soul what it desires and listen! 

“What do you feel like eating for breakfast this morning, soul?”

“How do you feel like moving today, soul?”

“What do you want to wear today, soul?”

When a woman listens to her soul she receives the most intimate guidance on how to be happy & fulfilled each and every day.

There will be no pushing to be happy, no “trying” to be happy, no effort in “finding happiness”, it will simply be her state, and a sustainable one.

Give Yourself Permission to Do, Be & Enjoy What Your Soul Desires

So, you know yourself intimately and you listen to your soul, but…you don’t ALLOW yourself to DO, BE or ENJOY what your soul desires.

THIS is an epidemic with women.

We women can always come up with a reason why we shouldn’t do, have, be or enjoy something.

There can ALWAYS be a reason, however, the moment we give ourselves permission to go ahead with whatever our soul has said it desires, we will feel exquisite happiness and joy!

finding happiness

Examples:

Let’s say your soul really desires a molten dark chocolate dessert. Will you give yourself permission to eat it with pleasure or will you think about the calories it has and how much exercise you’ll “have to do” to burn it off?

Let’s say your hubby comes to you to make love and you say out of stress, “I don’t have time”. Did you ask your SOUL what it desires?  Sometimes it may say that a tidy house or a completed task is what it desires, but sometimes it will say, “How wonderful it would feel to connect with him like this!”  What will you do?

Let’s say you look in the closet and see nothing that inspires you.  Will you schedule in a day where you go shopping at your favourite shop or will you say, “Oh, but the kids need things more than I do”?

Let’s say your soul desires to enjoy dinner at a certain restaurant and your husband never wants to go out. Will you stay in night after night after night, with sadness and resentment building, or will you figure out a way to go on your own by booking a table for one or inviting a friend along?

Let’s say your soul desires to work with a particular coach or mentor or to purchase a course, but your ego comes in with, “You can’t do that, you don’t have enough money or time for that!” Will you listen to your soul or your ego?

Which would bring you more happiness & fulfilment do you think?

finding happiness

I could go on and on as the number of times in a day that women hear the whispers of their soul but quickly shut it down, is countless.

And THIS is where unhappiness and unfulfillment come from.

There is no joy.

There is no pleasure.

There is no fulfilment of the soul.

We carry on living our life in “responsibility” and resentment and then buy 62,000 books on, “How to be Happy.”

The answers are within us…specific answers for us alone!  We just have to listen and give ourselves permission to Do, Be, and Enjoy what it asks us to.

Are you ready to experience sustainable happiness? Remember what Women Who Live Elegantly do…they make a choice.  What’s your choice?

I’d love to know if you resonate with anything I’ve written here.  Do you consistently resist allowing yourself to do something you know your soul keeps asking you to do?

Do you have a feeling like perhaps you don’t deserve to be happy?

With so much love,

signatt

 

 

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ekurt
valentines day ideas
CategoriesMANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE

Valentine’s Day Ideas – How to Celebrate Like an Elegant Woman

Looking for some fabulous Valentine’s Day ideas?  Well, as you know already, we do things a bit differently here at The Elegant Life:)

As Elegant women, we always check in with ourselves first.

And when we do this, we have a knowingness of what our soul desires and how it would like to ENJOY Valentines Day.

Now, I’ve always had a dilemma because j’adore themed holidays!  I think it’s the teacher in me:)  So, to go out for dinner and be served everything in heart shapes would thrill me to no end…the problem is, my husband doesn’t feel the same way.

He resists holidays like Valentine’s Day because he dislikes the commercialism of it.  He prefers to be loving and generous to me all year round (okay, and to not have to pay triple the amount for a meal and flowers).

This used to really hurt me.  And the hurt often turned to resentment….“You know I love it, so why can’t you just do it for me?”

However, as you realised from last week’s post on How to Elegantly Set Boundaries, we as Elegant women must know what we require and then decide what we will do if the other person does not give us what we need.

WE are responsible for our own happiness.  

So, here’s what I decided to do, since he wouldn’t budge:

a) I became clear on what I actually LOVE about Valentines Day. You know me by now:) Yes, I love the fact that it’s all about LOVE.

b) I also love how you can easily have a themed evening around it.

c) I also love showing people how much I love them.

d) I love sharing the excitement of a holiday with my kids – they’re exactly like me:) YEAH!

So, for the past 5 years I have been creating a themed Valentines Day dinner, at home with my family, that I love so much.  Yep, heart shaped lights, heart shaped pizzas, heart shaped cakes and decorations, and a LOVE HUNT where my kiddies follow clues that are all based around ways we love each other.

And while I do this, my heart is filled with LOVE, my kiddies hearts are filled with LOVE and my hubby stares at me from a distance with a loving gaze and says, “I love you. The way you get excited about all this is so amazing, so YOU. How lucky our kids are to have you as their mummy.”

And all is well in my world on Valentine’s Day.

If I didn’t do this and my hubby surprised me with a dinner out one year (which I still would love to happen at least once, but there’s zero attachment to it) I would actually miss this little tradition I’ve created.

So, let me ask you a few questions:

If you had to plan your own personal Valentine’s Day,

  • What would you eat?
  • What would you do?
  • What kind of woman would you BE on this day?
  • What gift would you love to receive?

I invite you to create your own special evening, and if you choose to invite someone to share it with you, that’s YOUR choice.

If I didn’t have a partner and children, or for some reason if I was alone on this day I would:

  1. Buy some Processco and luxury dark chocolates for myself.
  2. Treat myself to a warm aromatherapy bubble bath.
  3. Go online and purchase myself something special from Charlotte Tilbury, NEOM, or Elemis.
  4. Spend a bit of time planning the next “Girls Getaway”  with my friends, Sandrine & Laura (this year it’s Italy!)
  5. Watch a movie that my soul desires to watch.

BLISS! Magnifique!

I would FULLY be able to enjoy this day because of the amount of Self-Love I have for myself.  I don’t need anyone to “make” me happy, I know how to do that all by myself. And with this energy emanating from me, who knows what I’ll experience or bring into my life?

I’d be curious to hear how you are celebrating (or not) this Valentine’s Day!  Are you like me and LOVE the whole theme of love hearts? Or do you prefer to cook a simple dinner for two and watch a movie together?  Or, do you go all out, with dinner, hotel and presents?

Please share it in the comments below!

Next week I’ll be sharing yet another way to increase your self-love, so I’ll see you back here soon!

Joyeuse Saint Valentin! xo

signatt

 

 

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ekurt
setting boundaries
CategoriesMANIFESTING INNER PEACE

Setting Boundaries – How to Elegantly Honour Yourself

Setting boundaries is something women know in their core that they need to do in order to fully take care of themselves, but often they fear the backlash or their own feelings of guilt for voicing their needs.

Plus, the majority of women have no idea HOW to elegantly set a boundary, and if we’re being honest here, which you know I always am, then I’ll just say it, most women don’t have the amount of self-love or self-respect that is required to set a healthy boundary.

Because most woman are unable to set boundaries they often feel:

  1. Powerless
  2. Small and unimportant
  3. Resentful
  4. Hurt
  5. Angry

Here’s what Women Who Live Elegantly know: we teach people how to treat us. Plain and simple.

We cannot blame our kids for talking rudely to us.

We cannot blame our partners for not treating us the way we want.

We cannot blame a co-worker for speaking down to us.

And we cannot blame someone who wrote a hurtful comment on our Facebook feed.

We women require to take ownership of how we allow things to make us feel and how we allow people to treat us.

So, I ask you,

“What area(s) of your life would you like to set a healthy boundary?”

Be specific here.

Is a friend always late for your coffee dates?

Do your children talk back to you or not even listen to you when you ask them to start or stop doing something?

How about your partner? Do they make plans without even asking you? Do they put you down when you talk about things you’re excited about?

Make your list right now.  I’ll wait:)

Now, take this list and rewrite it with the energy of self-love, self-respect & self-empowerment.

Here’s an example:

I require my friends to show up on time for our coffee dates.

I require my friends to be present with me, not checking their iPhone every 20 seconds.

I require my children to speak politely to me and look me in the eyes when I’m speaking to them.

I require affection from my husband on a regular basis.

Now, remember this:

People can’t know what we require if we don’t voice it.

Yes, voicing our needs can be difficult.  Trust me, I know!  Setting boundaries has been something I have had to practice BIG TIME!

I’ve had people treat me disrespectfully and instead of teaching them how to treat me I walked away and either cried, vented to someone or felt sick to my stomach for days on end.

If you’ve read or watched The Making of a Spiritual Woman Video Series you know that I had a very difficult time setting boundaries with men.

It was only when I began feeling a real sense of self-love in France that I began to be better at setting boundaries.  I loved myself and no longer needed the approval or permission of anyone to like what I liked or be treated as I wanted to be treated.

It definitely took practise and even to this day there are certain situations in which I still find it difficult to set a boundary.

However now,  I know how my soul and body feel when I haven’t set a boundary, so I instantly recognise this and make a conscious effort, in the moment, to voice what I require.

The Elegant Way of Setting Boundaries:

1.Voice your need.

2. State what YOU will do if your need is not met.  Remember, it’s not the other person’s responsibility to change, it’s YOU who has to decide what your action will be if your need is not met.  And yes, I know this takes courage.

Here are a couple of examples for you to see how this looks and sounds in action:)

“When I’m with you, I need to feel you’re present with me, and when you check your iPhone all the time it doesn’t feel right. So, in the future, if this happens I’ll have to graciously leave.”

“I need to feel affection from you on a regular basis. I need you to take my hand when we walk down the street, to come up behind me and hug me, and to give me a loving kiss, not a peck when you leave in the morning.  These things make me feel loved. If I don’t feel this affection from you I am going to begin seeing a counsellor to determine whether or not I can remain in this relationship.”

Notice how I’m very clear about my needs and what I require, and how I voice them, without anger or judgement, just simply matter of fact.

One thing I know for sure, from direct experience, is that when you DO set a boundary with someone, you feel a deep sense of self-respect and self honouring. And with this, your self-love just grows and grows.

And when your self-love grows and grows, you stop attracting people or situations that require you to set boundaries. 

Why?

Because you resonate a different vibration; a vibration that is no longer a match to people or situations that would require you to set a boundary.

I’ll leave you with this:

It is your responsibility to protect your soul. Therefore you must be very clear about your needs and what your soul requires and voice that to whomever it applies.

You must also ONLY allow supportive people to be gifted space in your sacred energy field.

This includes social media friends or followers, partners, children, family members and friends you meet with in person.

It’s not anyone’s job to change or act differently, it’s up to you to voice what you require and allow the other person to make a choice as to whether or not they want to support that need of yours.

If someone speaks to you disrespectfully then with love, simply bless them and let them go from your life.

You can also choose to give someone a chance if they mean a lot to you. But, I have a rule for myself that if someone does or says something more than 2 times, they are not allowed in my energy field anymore. Period. 

When you honour yourself and let go of things and people that no longer “jive with your vibe” you create more space for those who DO to enter your life.

Trust me on this one.  It’s a beautiful, beautiful experience when all that’s left in your world are things, experiences and people who love you, respect you and only want to support you.

I call this my Red Velvet Rope Policy – I open my rope to escort people out and I open it to cheerfully welcome people in.

I do this without anger or sadness. I simply do it with love; love for myself and love for the other person.

I’m so curious to hear your experience with setting boundaries.  Have you found it difficult?  If so, in what kinds of situations?

How have you handled setting boundaries in your life?

Until next week,

signatt

ekurt