Setting boundaries is something women know in their core that they need to do in order to fully take care of themselves, but often they fear the backlash or their own feelings of guilt for voicing their needs.
Plus, the majority of women have no idea HOW to elegantly set a boundary, and if we’re being honest here, which you know I always am, then I’ll just say it, most women don’t have the amount of self-love or self-respect that is required to set a healthy boundary.
Because most woman are unable to set boundaries they often feel:
- Powerless
- Small and unimportant
- Resentful
- Hurt
- Angry
Here’s what Women Who Live Elegantly know: we teach people how to treat us. Plain and simple.
We cannot blame our kids for talking rudely to us.
We cannot blame our partners for not treating us the way we want.
We cannot blame a co-worker for speaking down to us.
And we cannot blame someone who wrote a hurtful comment on our Facebook feed.
We women require to take ownership of how we allow things to make us feel and how we allow people to treat us.
So, I ask you,
“What area(s) of your life would you like to set a healthy boundary?”
Be specific here.
Is a friend always late for your coffee dates?
Do your children talk back to you or not even listen to you when you ask them to start or stop doing something?
How about your partner? Do they make plans without even asking you? Do they put you down when you talk about things you’re excited about?
Make your list right now. I’ll wait:)
Now, take this list and rewrite it with the energy of self-love, self-respect & self-empowerment.
Here’s an example:
I require my friends to show up on time for our coffee dates.
I require my friends to be present with me, not checking their iPhone every 20 seconds.
I require my children to speak politely to me and look me in the eyes when I’m speaking to them.
I require affection from my husband on a regular basis.
Now, remember this:
People can’t know what we require if we don’t voice it.
Yes, voicing our needs can be difficult. Trust me, I know! Setting boundaries has been something I have had to practice BIG TIME!
I’ve had people treat me disrespectfully and instead of teaching them how to treat me I walked away and either cried, vented to someone or felt sick to my stomach for days on end.
If you’ve read or watched The Making of a Spiritual Woman Video Series you know that I had a very difficult time setting boundaries with men.
It was only when I began feeling a real sense of self-love in France that I began to be better at setting boundaries. I loved myself and no longer needed the approval or permission of anyone to like what I liked or be treated as I wanted to be treated.
It definitely took practise and even to this day there are certain situations in which I still find it difficult to set a boundary.
However now, I know how my soul and body feel when I haven’t set a boundary, so I instantly recognise this and make a conscious effort, in the moment, to voice what I require.
The Elegant Way of Setting Boundaries:
1.Voice your need.
2. State what YOU will do if your need is not met. Remember, it’s not the other person’s responsibility to change, it’s YOU who has to decide what your action will be if your need is not met. And yes, I know this takes courage.
Here are a couple of examples for you to see how this looks and sounds in action:)
“When I’m with you, I need to feel you’re present with me, and when you check your iPhone all the time it doesn’t feel right. So, in the future, if this happens I’ll have to graciously leave.”
“I need to feel affection from you on a regular basis. I need you to take my hand when we walk down the street, to come up behind me and hug me, and to give me a loving kiss, not a peck when you leave in the morning. These things make me feel loved. If I don’t feel this affection from you I am going to begin seeing a counsellor to determine whether or not I can remain in this relationship.”
Notice how I’m very clear about my needs and what I require, and how I voice them, without anger or judgement, just simply matter of fact.
One thing I know for sure, from direct experience, is that when you DO set a boundary with someone, you feel a deep sense of self-respect and self honouring. And with this, your self-love just grows and grows.
And when your self-love grows and grows, you stop attracting people or situations that require you to set boundaries.
Why?
Because you resonate a different vibration; a vibration that is no longer a match to people or situations that would require you to set a boundary.
I’ll leave you with this:
It is your responsibility to protect your soul. Therefore you must be very clear about your needs and what your soul requires and voice that to whomever it applies.
You must also ONLY allow supportive people to be gifted space in your sacred energy field.
This includes social media friends or followers, partners, children, family members and friends you meet with in person.
It’s not anyone’s job to change or act differently, it’s up to you to voice what you require and allow the other person to make a choice as to whether or not they want to support that need of yours.
If someone speaks to you disrespectfully then with love, simply bless them and let them go from your life.
You can also choose to give someone a chance if they mean a lot to you. But, I have a rule for myself that if someone does or says something more than 2 times, they are not allowed in my energy field anymore. Period.
When you honour yourself and let go of things and people that no longer “jive with your vibe” you create more space for those who DO to enter your life.
Trust me on this one. It’s a beautiful, beautiful experience when all that’s left in your world are things, experiences and people who love you, respect you and only want to support you.
I call this my Red Velvet Rope Policy – I open my rope to escort people out and I open it to cheerfully welcome people in.
I do this without anger or sadness. I simply do it with love; love for myself and love for the other person.
I’m so curious to hear your experience with setting boundaries. Have you found it difficult? If so, in what kinds of situations?
How have you handled setting boundaries in your life?
Until next week,
