Dear Diary,
Matt was so much on my mind that I couldn’t concentrate on saving my marriage anymore. Not to mention that David was back to being his old self again.
Truthfully, I KNEW I didn’t want to save my marriage, but I didn’t want to hurt David.
And, I felt it was the right thing to do to try and do whatever I could to save it. That’s what people do, right?
Until…
An old friend came to town.
I hadn’t seen her in ages and it felt SO GOOD to be the happy go lucky Erin again.
We laughed and laughed and decided to call up all our old friends from Grade 8.
Deb suggested we call Tony and Ian. She had dated Ian in grade 8 and I had dated Tony, but we ended up just being friends in the end.
The guys were SO happy and surprised to hear from us. Ah, it was amazing!
We reminisced for hours then they said, “Hey, why don’t you guys come over tomorrow for dinner? We’ll cook!”
What???? Guys who actually COOK? Fun!
It felt so good to be around wonderful men. They sent us on an Easter egg hunt, served us an incredible meal and then brought out their guitars. We sat in the living room and sang for hours.
I was in heaven. I felt ALIVE. I felt happiness again.
And singing? Music? It is something that feeds my soul.
For a few hours I felt who Erin wanted to be, or should I say who I already was, but couldn’t be.
At midnight David called and demanded I come home. He shouted how irresponsible I was etc. and I just stood there shaking my head.
Little did he know, I felt perfect.
I admit that I felt attracted to Tony and his talent that night and if I’m correct, he felt that way too.
We got home quite late and I had to drive Deb to the airport, so I decided to take a sick day.
I was so confused. I felt like my life was falling apart, yet I felt what life COULD be like.
My whole body felt physically and emotionally drained.
At noon, Matt called. I was in shock!
He said he missed me. Ahhhh!!!!
The whole day I prayed to God for answers. All that I kept hearing was,
“You know what you have to do. You don’t want to, but you know.”
At 5pm David came home. I was sitting on the sofa and he came and knelt down beside me and asked, “Do you want a divorce?”
“Yes.”
For the first time I felt my whole body say yes and mean it. It was over.
He frieked out a bit calling my dad to come pick me up.
My dad came and at the last minute, while seeing pain on David’s face, I almost said, “Oh, forget it!” but I knew what needed to be done.
Not just because of Matt, but because my marriage had been unfulfilling for years, and what I needed and desired, David could NEVER naturally give me.
The next day I went to school and Matt asked me if I was okay because I looked down.
I told him I moved out last night for good .
Later that afternoon, he walked past my classroom and beckoned me to the door. He handed me a note.
It said, “Drink after work?”
Join me HERE for Part 6 of The Making of a Spiritual Woman” where the REAL Erin begins to live life FULLY! Until…
With Love,
2 Comments
Each day, as I read your posts, I become more in awe of you! You had the courage to do what I could not do in my marriage. I made the choice to stay only because of my son…and I knew that was not the right choice. The whole “money” thing was what kept me from leaving…thinking that because he had gotten us so in debt, I couldn’t give Ted the life he deserved if I left. Hindsight, eh???
It is always SUCH a difficult decision to make. It’s like I said in the video, I really think Tony and Matt were sent to help me leave or I may never have…especially if I had children. My intention is that this site and the Elegant Society can be a place for anyone wanting to leave but doesn’t have the courage to be supported so that they can do what they know deep in their soul is right. I SO appreciate your comments, Ellen. x