My Body. It’s been an interesting journey getting to where I am now. As a child and young teenager I loved my body.  I felt agile, flexible, full of energy and pretty.

The Moment I Disliked a Part of My Body

But then, something happened. A boy I liked teased me about my calves.  He said, “Hey, Erin, this is you.” And then he proceeded to walk down the hallway like a cowboy with bow legs.

At that moment I became aware of something that I never really took notice of before; my calves were slightly bow legged.

I became so conscious of them that I asked my mom to take me to the doctor to see if I could get braces to correct them.  He listened and measured and then smiled saying, “Your legs are absolutely fine, Erin.”

After this humiliating teenage experience I began to exercise. Why? I was trying to use exercise to change my body shape.  I researched exercises for the calf muscles.  I even wrote to my aunt who was into fitness for advice on exercises I could do to balance out the appearance of my calves. I was on a mission!

I still liked the rest of me though.  I had come into my own style of clothing and I really liked my hairstyle.  I was happy with myself and my body…except for my calves.

The Moment I Decided to Be Overweight

Then came the summer that changed everything for me.

We went to my grandparents house like we did every summer. I had brought along a new bathing suit that I was excited to wear.  I felt so comfortable in my skin.  I felt beautiful and confident in this suit and couldn’t wait to wear it and get a nice tan.

To make a long story short, this summer was the summer my closest grandfather chose to sexually abuse me.  I wrote about this story HERE if you are interested in reading how I overcame this traumatic experience and finally learned to move on from it.

Needless to say, this experience had a massive impact on me.  Immediately after “it” happened I went to the bathroom in shock, stared at myself in the mirror, blamed and shamed myself and made vows to never EVER feel good about myself like I had previously.

The Beginning of my “Body Healing” Journey

An experience like this can ripple into your life in many ways. One of the ways for me was to  always keep myself just above the weight where I would feel great about myself.

So, I was always looking to lose those last 5-10 pounds. That may not sound like much to some of you, but as a woman of 5’3”, an extra 10 pounds on a body can really make a difference.  Plus, it was what those 10 pounds represented to me that kept me feeling trapped and never like my true, authentic self.

Fast forward to my child bearing years and I went up more than 10 pounds! In order to lose the weight after my first child I did the Body for Life Diet & Exercise program.  Although it worked, I couldn’t maintain it because I was so energetically depleted from a traumatic birth and then moving countries after only 4 months that I would constantly get sick after working out for a period of 2 weeks.

I would work out, then because my body was tired I would get sick and have to stop for 2 weeks.  Then I’d start again, then get sick.

This was a pattern that went on and on.

The String of Diets Begin!

For the next few years I became pregnant 3 more times, and with each pregnancy gaining a few more pounds.

I lost two of those babies but thankfully the 3rd time was a charm and my daughter was born healthy. The only problem?  I was left with 50 extra pounds (approx 26kg) to lose.

None of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit me, so I decided to try and make myself feel better by purchasing some new outfits. I’ll never forget the time I had to keep asking the lady for the next size up until I hit the XXL jeans. This sent me into desperation mode!

Who WAS this? “This is not Erin.  I do not feel like me.  I am committing to get the real Erin back, once and for all I told myself.”

And here’s where the string of diets began.

I tried having food delivered to my home.  This worked but I got so sick of the food choices and not being able to cook my own meals that I finally stopped.

I tried Weight Watchers and although I saw some results, I became anxious thinking about food and points all day long. No inner peace here!

I went on the intense, super restrictive Dukan Diet and felt so totally deprived, joyless and grumpy that after 3 weeks I stopped that too. Only eating meat for days on end? No thank you!

Then I tried the more sensible 17 Day Diet that my friend had used so successfully to lose her baby weight and I lost….nothing.  Not even 1 pound in 17 days and I followed it to a “T”.

What in God’s Name Was I Going to Do?

I found and tried HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training). I really liked this because it was only 20 minutes (my limit when it comes to formal types of exercise) and I saw results within days. The only thing was that the same pattern of loving it, feeling great and then getting sick began.

Why did everyone else feel so energised after working out? I always felt like I needed to take an hour’s nap after working out!

My search continued and I tried everything out there.

My Awakening Moment

Life got pretty intense for me (for many reasons) so I went to a 6 Day Spiritual Retreat and had an exquisite, awakening experience.

I finally understood how things work in the Universe.

Later, I also learned how to clear things that block us from having the life we desire. After consistently applying my new Spiritual understandings and clearing technique I began to shift.

My body didn’t want certain things anymore.  

I began asking my body what it wanted and it told me, so I listened.

I innately began doing and saying certain things and voila, the weight melted off without me “exercising” or depriving myself. In fact, I felt utterly satiated and at peace inside.

And this, beautiful ladies, is what I would like to share with you during this blog series.

So, look out for a BONUS blog post TOMORROW where I will share the very first thing you need to do and practise if you too want to have & enjoy an elegant, ideal body. 

See you tomorrow!

Love,