Ever feel like your needs aren’t being met by your partner? Well, normally when WE don’t feel our needs are being met, we can pretty much guarantee that our partner or spouse feels the same.
In this week’s final video on how to elegantly attract or have a fulfilling relationship I cover the 6 core human needs and how to commit to meeting them for yourself AND your partner.
When we commit to a partnership or marriage we are committing to using our time and energy to love and nurture our spouse.
Once you understand the 6 human needs you will be empowered to have a fulfilling relationship.
Important Message About Human Needs
I always, always work with my private couture clients to become the best version of themselves first. Thus, the reason I spent video 1 & video 2 of this series on that very topic.
What I know for sure is that our vibration attracts situations, experiences and people of the same vibration. So, if we are insecure, judgemental, full of low vibrational emotions such as guilt, shame, anger, etc.then it will be almost impossible to truly have or attract a partner who is happy, passionate, generous, non-judgemental etc.
So the first place to begin is with ourselves. Become happy, passionate, generous and non-judgmental, clear those low vibrational emotions within you (my Clearing Package and Couture Coaching packages are designed for this), and do things on a daily basis to keep your frequency high and aligned with your Divine Self.
Relationships are a 2-Way Street
Let me state very clearly though that a marriage is a two way street. In order to have a fulfilling relationship your partner must be just as invested and commited to meeting your most valued human needs.
So, if you are feeling unfulfilled in your marriage or relationship right now and you are questioning whether to stay or leave, start with getting YOU vibrationally high first.
Then commit to meeting your partner’s top 1 or 2 human needs (the ones THEY value the most) and if after this you still feel unfulfilled and like something is just not right, you are in a very empowered and awakened state to make a choice about whether to stay or leave.
Enjoy this final video and please do let me know if you have further questions, okay?
Welcome to Part 2 of this How to Elegantly Attract /Have a Fulfilling Relationship series!
I have received such wonderful comments from all over the world about Video #1! It really makes me happy to know that the training served so many of you. And thank you for sharing it with women you know as well!
In this video I go into specific ways you can raise your vibration so that you easily become a match to the partner/soulmate that you desire.
As you already know, our reality is totally created by US. We call into our lives that which is a vibrational match to us, so let’s learn ways to elevate our frequency so that having or attracting a fulfilling relationship is truly an elegant experience.
As always, I suggest you create some time to watch this video. Having it on in the background while you do something else is not helpful. Presence and focuson what you desire, a fulfilling relationship, IS helpful, so commit to that, okay?
With so much love,
Erin
If you are truly committed to having or attracting a fulfilling relationship then I highly recommend you join us at The Elegant Life Experience in Budapest, Hungary.
Is is going to be a LIFE CHANGING Experience. You will walk out, after an abundant, luxurious, deeply spiritual and profound four days, feeling, Beautiful, Whole, and Full of Joy, Love & Inner Peace.
Setting boundaries is something women know in their core that they need to do in order to fully take care of themselves, but often they fear the backlash or their own feelings of guilt for voicing their needs.
Plus, the majority of women have no idea HOW to elegantly set a boundary, and if we’re being honest here, which you know I always am, then I’ll just say it, most women don’t have the amount of self-love or self-respect that is required to set a healthy boundary.
Because most woman are unable to set boundaries they often feel:
Powerless
Small and unimportant
Resentful
Hurt
Angry
Here’s what Women Who Live Elegantly know: we teach people how to treat us. Plain and simple.
We cannot blame our kids for talking rudely to us.
We cannot blame our partners for not treating us the way we want.
We cannot blame a co-worker for speaking down to us.
And we cannot blame someone who wrote a hurtful comment on our Facebook feed.
We women require to take ownership of how we allow things to make us feel and how we allow people to treat us.
So, I ask you,
“What area(s) of your life would you like to set a healthy boundary?”
Be specific here.
Is a friend always late for your coffee dates?
Do your children talk back to you or not even listen to you when you ask them to start or stop doing something?
How about your partner? Do they make plans without even asking you? Do they put you down when you talk about things you’re excited about?
Make your list right now. I’ll wait:)
Now, take this list and rewrite it with the energy of self-love, self-respect & self-empowerment.
Here’s an example:
I require my friends to show up on time for our coffee dates.
I require my friends to be present with me, not checking their iPhone every 20 seconds.
I require affection from my husband on a regular basis.
Now, remember this:
People can’t know what we require if we don’t voice it.
Yes, voicing our needs can be difficult. Trust me, I know! Setting boundaries has been something I have had to practice BIG TIME!
I’ve had people treat me disrespectfully and instead of teaching them how to treat me I walked away and either cried, vented to someone or felt sick to my stomach for days on end.
It was only when I began feeling a real sense of self-lovein France that I began to be better at setting boundaries. I loved myself and no longer needed the approval or permission of anyone to like what I liked or be treated as I wanted to be treated.
It definitely took practise and even to this day there are certain situations in which I still find it difficult to set a boundary.
However now, I know how my soul and body feel when I haven’t set a boundary, so I instantly recognise this and make a conscious effort,in the moment, to voice what I require.
The Elegant Way of Setting Boundaries:
1.Voice your need.
2. State what YOU will do if your need is not met. Remember, it’s not the other person’s responsibility to change, it’s YOU who has to decide what your action will be if your need is not met. And yes, I know this takes courage.
Here are a couple of examples for you to see how this looks and sounds in action:)
“When I’m with you, I need to feel you’re present with me, and when you check your iPhone all the time it doesn’t feel right. So, in the future, if this happens I’ll have to graciously leave.”
“I need to feel affection from you on a regular basis. I need you to take my hand when we walk down the street, to come up behind me and hug me, and to give me a loving kiss, not a peck when you leave in the morning. These things make me feel loved. If I don’t feel this affection from you I am going to begin seeing a counsellor to determine whether or not I can remain in this relationship.”
Notice how I’m very clear about my needs and what I require, and how I voice them, without anger or judgement, just simply matter of fact.
One thing I know for sure, from direct experience, is that when you DO set a boundary with someone, you feel a deep sense of self-respect and self honouring. And with this, your self-love just grows and grows.
And when your self-love grows and grows, you stop attracting people or situations that require you to set boundaries.
Why?
Because you resonate a different vibration; a vibration that is no longer a match to people or situations that would require you to set a boundary.
I’ll leave you with this:
It is your responsibility to protect your soul. Therefore you must be very clear about your needs and what your soul requires and voice that to whomever it applies.
You must also ONLY allow supportive people to be gifted space in your sacred energy field.
This includes social media friends or followers, partners, children, family members and friends you meet with in person.
It’s not anyone’s job to change or act differently, it’s up to you to voice what you require and allow the other person to make a choice as to whether or not they want to support that need of yours.
If someone speaks to you disrespectfully then with love, simply bless them and let them go from your life.
You can also choose to give someone a chance if they mean a lot to you. But, I have a rule for myself that if someone does or says something more than 2 times, they are not allowed in my energy field anymore. Period.
When you honour yourself and let go of things and people that no longer “jive with your vibe” you create more space for those who DO to enter your life.
Trust me on this one. It’s a beautiful, beautiful experience when all that’s left in your world are things, experiences and people who love you, respect you and only want to support you.
I call this my Red Velvet Rope Policy – I open my rope to escort people out and I open it to cheerfully welcome people in.
I do this without anger or sadness. I simply do it with love; love for myself and love for the other person.
I’m so curious to hear your experience with setting boundaries. Have you found it difficult? If so, in what kinds of situations?
How have you handled setting boundaries in your life?
Well, this beautiful story could continue… in fact it could continue on for years since the connection between Guy, Emil and my current husband, Ilker, is very interconnected. This has been a full circle love story that I will hold close to my heart forever. It’s the story of how I became the Spiritual Woman I am today and how I truly live “The Elegant Life”.
Here is the short version of how things ended with all of the key players in this beautiful story…
I did see Emil one last time – in Prague. That story can be for another time because it wasn’t the kind of meeting I expected, in fact I felt heart broken at one point and then strong and resilient near the end.
The interesting part is that after I returned to Canada, an amazing thing happened to reconnect us and I spent months trying to find a way to get him over to Canada. However, in the midst of this, I met my husband. When I finally told Emil about my “boyfriend” we eventually stopped communicating. The last time I heard from Emil was on my wedding day.
I hadn’t heard from Emil for years but on the morning of my wedding day, which was in Turkey, just next door to Bulgaria where he lived, I opened my email to find, you guessed it, an email from Emil saying he missed me. Yeah, I know….
Talk about a year!
1997, a year that began with drama and things I never thought would happen to me in my life…to experiencing things that were amazing, AMAZING!
In one year I went from stressed, insecure and scattered to spiritually aligned, peaceful and confident in who I was as a woman.
During the remaining months in France my relationship with Guy as well as my spiritual evolution flourished.
I left France with a daily practise that I did every morning without fail…and still do to this day.
When my sister came to visit me in France, just before I left, she was in awe at the reaction I was receiving from people on the street.
“Did you SEE that?” she’d say. “Look how people are reacting to you!”
I was oblivious to it – I just thought their stares and double takes were perhaps because they thought I was someone famous.
But no, there was something different about me.
I felt inner peace.
I felt connected to my “Divine Nature”
I felt beautiful.
I intimately knew and LOVED who Erin was. I loved what her style was and I knew what she required and what she desired…. I just loved her.
WATCH the video above, at minute 5:44-6:30, for a little giggle:)
Guy is, to this day, the greatest gift of my life. He GAVE me the life I have now, as it’s because of everything he showed me, did for me and taught me that I am the woman I am and that I have the life I have now.
This is why he and I were meant to come together that year. I served the evolution of his soul and he served the evolution of mine. No, it wasn’t meant to be a long term relationship, but it was truly a year we will both always remember and be thankful for.
I’ve not seen him since 1998, but we spoke regularly for years.
A period went by when our communication totally stopped.
He got married, I got married. We both had children, etc. but a couple of years ago Sandra, he and I almost reunited in Paris. (Sandra and I did and that story is one I MUST tell you since it miraculously occurred after I used my Elegant Clearing Process™).
Sadly, Guy is divorced now, but he is still teaching yoga and is highly respected in what he does.
If you go back to post #1 of this series, “The Making of a Spiritual Woman: A Pilgrimage That Began in Paris”, you will see that it began with Guy and I sitting on a park bench and me staring up into the sky saying with such sadness and hopelessness, “I just want to be happy, Guy. I just want to be happy.”
Well, here’s where I will end this series…
Picture it being July 26, 2003 and I’m on a boat, with 150 plus guests sailing down the Bosphorus in Istanbul, Turkey.
I’m wearing a simple, elegant wedding dress that is so ME, and I’m with my father. We are dancing to the Father/Daughter song and all I keep repeating is, “Dad, I’m so happy right now. I’m SO happy.”
I felt peace in my heart and full JOY and contentment with my life, who I was marrying and who I was as a woman.
I want to say a massive thank you to my husband; my dark-haired, spiritual, generous, guitar playing, great cook, music loving, great lover of a husband for loving me unconditionally and gifting me two incredibly beautiful souls…our children.
HERE is a post I wrote culminating all the BIG LIFE lessons I learned in France and what that means for YOU.
I always felt I needed to share this story, but I never wanted to share it just for ME. There was a purpose and the Divine told me I needed to share it.
The beautiful responses I’ve been receiving privately just solidifies WHY I needed to share it.
The post HERE shares how we’ll be moving forward at The Elegant Life.
I really cannot wait! It’s been 20 years since I began my pilgrimage back HOME to the truth of who I am, both as a soul and as a woman, and I finally feel ready to BE the woman I was meant to BE; to share these exquisite Elegant Processes & Principles it took me years to learn and embody.
Now it’s your turn to begin your OWN beautiful pilgrimage, but the good news is that your pilgrimage will be supported by exquisite Elegant Processes!
I told Guy. I told him everything; that I need to be alone, that I just got out of a 9 year relationship and that I just need time to be by myself for a while.
He was so upset.
We just sat there, holding hands, in silence. In between the silence he asked me, three times, “Do you want me to wait until after March?
I said “No” three times.
I felt in my heart that this was exactly what I needed to do. Much like the night I told David I wanted a divorce.
I am not ready to be with someone right now and I KNOW that when I go back to Canada I want to experience living by myself.
He stayed for an hour and when he got up to leave he grabbed me for a hug, burst out crying and said, “Je t’aime tres fort, Erin” (I love you so much, Erin.)
It actually shocked me how much emotion he had. I felt like I should be crying too, however I felt the opposite – my soul felt open and free again.
When you have a knowingness inside, you don’t doubt yourself. You KNOW you’re doing the right thing.
Chere Diary,
A few days passed and my sickness has increased.
All in all I just feel like crap; coughing and aching all over.
On a positive note, Guy called and told me that he is doing better and not to worry about him; just to take my time and think about myself.
I realized that this month my divorce is final…perhaps that’s why I’ve been so emotional and perhaps why my body is cleansing itself with this sickness.
I’ve had a few really deep cry sessions in my bedroom.
My divorce is really hitting me and I’m feeling so incredibly emotional.
Chere Diary,
Guess what? I’m going to Italy with the other au pairI’ve been writing back and forth with!!!
This could not come at a better time, honestly.
I need to get away. Be with ERIN again. Explore and experience life without stress. I can’t WAIT!
My pneumonia is almost gone, so I’m feeling better too. By the time we go next month I should be perfect. Yippeee! I feel ALIVE again.
And…a plus side of my sickness is that I’ve lost weight! I’m looking and feeling more like Erin again!
I tried on my jeans and they fit very comfortably!!! Whoo Hooo! Life is turning around!
Oh, guess what? Sandra has a boyfriend!!! He’s into spirituality, yoga and energy work! I’m SO happy for her!
She really wants me to meet him and her friends from the other language school. That would be fun! I’m up for meeting new people!
Chere Diary,
Oh my God, it’s 3:10am but I just HAD to write!!!!
Tonight, Sandra and I went to the mall to write some emails and do some shopping.
We got hungry so we tried to think of where to go. Earlier in the day I had a thought rush into my head, “You need to go to McDonalds”.
“What???” I thought.
When I asked Sandra what she felt like eating she said, “How about McDonalds?”
Whoah!
We went, and after I got over the fact that I had just eaten FAT, this guy comes up to us and says, “Hi, I overheard you speaking English and I wondered if I could join you.”
He was doing a work experience from Ireland and was dying to speak English.
We all got along instantly and exchanged phone numbers. He asked what we were up to tonight and and we invited him along to a night club where we were going to meet Sandra’s boyfriend and friends.
I really didn’t want to have Guy come because I wanted to feel free, but we promised him.
As soon as we entered the club a guy came up to Sandra to hi and I thought,
“WHOAH! Is that her boyfriend????? He’s fricking GORGEOUS!”
Apparently, that was her friend, Emil. Dark, thick-haired, tanned skin, Emil.
Everyone spoke English so we chatted and laughed and I felt like I could really, truly express myself. It was a BLAST! Except that Guy was acting like we were still dating.
All night I tried to move away from him so I could talk with other people but he kept following me, almost as if he was saying I was HIS.
This angered me. “Just let me BE! I am NOBODY”S property!” I wanted to say.
The Irish guy asked me to dance and while dancing Guy came up and started dancing with us – Argh!
I just wanted to be free and alone, but twice, while I was chatting with everyone, Guy leaned in and kissed me on the cheek! I saw that Emil witnessed this and I wanted to explain profusely that we weren’t a couple!!!!
Anyway, I danced and danced and my soul came alive. I could sense that the Irish guy, Gary, was interested, but was Emil? I thought so at times, but he was also chatting with the pretty, SLIM Swedish girl too.
God, he dressed cool and was so funny and handsome.
And, he knew about the Edmonton Oilers!!!! Being from Bulgaria and living in Prague he was totally into ice hockey. Wow!!! A piece of home!!!
Gary, Emil and I had an absolute blast laughing, talking and dancing. Sandra said how wonderful it was that I was mingling so well with everyone because then she didn’t feel pressure when she went off with her guy.
Gary couldn’t believe it when he found out I had never met these people before – it was the first time. He said, “Wow, you sure fit in with everyone!”
It was because I was ERIN. In her element. Happy. Free. Dancing.
Guy felt tired so he finally left. I was relieved. Emil asked me to dance to a slow song and it felt amazing.
Now HE was my type. In fact he was perfect.
After our dance, Emil invited me to a big art fair in town. He was into Art???? Hello!
Gary said he’d drop all of us off and when we dropped Emil off Emil came to my side, opened the door and said, “What time do you want to go to the fair? I’ll be there.”
I’m in dream land…..
Dear Diary,
Oh wow, what a fantastic weekend!
I went to pick up Emil and another girl first. I was excited to see him. He looked so good and dressed really cool.
He gave me a VERY warm embrace and kiss on the cheek. I felt my eyes roll back in my head and my stomach flip.
We then picked up Sandra and her guy and went to the art fair.
I dropped everyone off at the door and was going to then find a parking spot. Emil stayed with me – :)))))
We walked into the fair together and it felt incredible.
How will this all play out? Will Emil be the REAL guy of my dreams? Watch HERE.
Manifest your desire into reality. Download this free meditation
Congratulations on taking your first step into The Elegant Life!
