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find your calling
CategoriesMANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING PROSPERITY

How to Find Your Calling – PART 1 & PART 2

Forget Finding Your Purpose! You Need to Learn How to Find Your Calling.

Do you ever wonder whether or not you’re living your PURPOSE? Or whether you even have a purpose?

I have spoken to SO many women who either feel lost and confused about what their purpose is or simply depressed that they still haven’t found it.

The simple, elegant truth is that it’s not your purpose you should be focusing on, it’s your Calling.

You see I too used to focus on discovering my exact purpose in life. It felt finite – a place to find and then achieve. (Former Type A Personality for ya!)

When I finally had the Spiritual Truths downloaded to me, after attending a Spiritual Retreat, I understood that the only purpose any of us have is to expand Consciousness.

The Universe itself is continuously expanding. In fact, current research by cosmologists indicates that the universe may expand to eternity!

Now, since we come from this Source, this Consciousness, we too innately have within us the inclination to expand.

So, our Purpose is to expand Consciousness, but the way in which we help this Consciousness expand is through our Calling.

Each of us has our own unique Calling that is signature to us.

What IS a Calling?

The dictionary definition is: a strong urge towards a particular way of life or career; a vocation.

A more Spiritual definition is: The signature programming of your soul by which you help Consciousness expand itself.

An Elegant description would be: Something that you innately share with others that causes them to Experience, Be or Realise something.

2 Steps to Find Your Calling

Step 1:

Look back over your life and remember the happiest moments of you sharing something.

Notice how without you consciously “doing” anything, people experienced things like beauty, love, freedom, wholeness… just by interacting with you.

Can you remember feeling lit up, fulfilled, joyous and totally present? This will give you clues into your calling.

Has anyone ever complimented you on something that felt easy for you?

Has anyone ever said something to you that stuck in your head for years?

For me, I was raised in the Catholic faith. I didn’t connect with all the rules and protocol but I did connect with Jesus. He seemed to embody the characteristics of a kind, loving human and I looked to him as a role model as to how I wanted to be.

Then my mind was expanded by a powerful experience involving my puppy.

While my family was visiting some friends, my puppy ran off after being put outside by my father for peeing on the friend’s sofa. When we went to let him back in the house we couldn’t find him. We looked for DAYS, in a forest that surrounded this friend’s secluded home.

I was devastated.

Out of desperation, the mother of the family said, “Gosh, too bad we don’t know a physic.”

My mother instantly remembered one that she had heard about back where we lived. They called this physic and she described exactly where he was (on top of a hill in a field that used to be where a crop of hemp had grown, in a clearing like a small animal would rest in.)

Our friend knew exactly where this was so we drove the long distance to get there, decided to created a straight line and all walk forward.

I walked straight then all of a sudden heard a whimpering sound.

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“Lucky?” “Lucky?” I cried out.

More whimpering came until I peeked around a tree and there, in a clearing, on a little patch of flattened out grass was my precious puppy.

I ran to him and called loudly to the others. We were beyond overjoyed!  I really could not believe that he was exactly where that lady said he was.

From that pivotal moment, I began investigating how people could know things when they were in a completely different place.

What did this lady tap into in order to know this? I wondered.

And so my Spiritual understandings evolved.

As I evolved I found that I adored helping people. Every time I helped a classmate with something they struggled with I felt so whole, so fulfilled, so overcome with JOY & happiness.

When I was a teenager, a meditation teacher who could read people’s energies and auras, pointed to me and said,

“You. You my dear are going to do some beautiful things in this world.”

“I am?” I thought. I knew I wanted to be a school teacher, but what was going to be so special about me?

I ended up becoming a a high profile teacher who could turn around troubled children, help extremely shy children become unbelievably confident and help the average child become their best, most confident self.

Now, during my life I experienced quite a bit of trauma; abuse of all kinds, divorce, grief…and through all of that, the feeling that grew was DEEP empathy for people.

My constant statement was:

“You can never judge someone as you don’t know what they’ve been through.”

Later, I found myself in France, yearning for happiness. That’s all I wanted, but after going through one of the most difficult years of my life, I didn’t know HOW to be happy.

This is when my yoga teacher “friend”, Guy, introduced me to Buddhism. It was here that I learned how to embody the attributes of abundance, compassion, peace, health etc. Embodying these attributes gifts you an inner fulfilment so great that you begin to glow from the inside out.

I was finally able to walk around BEING these attributes instead of just wishing for them.

It was at this time that an internationally renowned Buddhist Lama honoured me by giving me the Spiritual name “Karma Changchun Paldra”, meaning “Radiant Light of Enlightenment Mind”.

meditation in france

I later became a parenting coach, helping stressed, overwhelmed, & exasperated parents to be the parent (and person) they desired to be.

The one comment I received from all my coaching clients and friends was always, “You are SO easy to talk to!” or, “I haven’t shared this with anyone, you are the first.”

And so on and so on and so on…can you see a pattern?

  • I LOVED helping people.
  • People have always, always opened up to me on a deep level after being in my presence for only a couple of minutes.
  • I experienced great trauma which gifted me the ability to understand people in a completely compassionate way.
  • I was gifted teachings that allowed me to understand  how to be happy and feel fulfilled.
  • The Universe provided opportunities for me to learn & understand Divine Truths
  • I was given the natural ability to teach & inspire

Now, let’s move on to exactly how to state what your calling is.

Step 2:

Write in a brief statement what people naturally experience as a result of being in your presence or when they interact with you.

Complete this statement:

People Experiencing _________.

Other forms of this are:

People Realising _____________.

People Being _____________.

Word that might fill in the blank are:

  • freedom
  • love
  • beauty
  • abundance
  • unity within family
  • everything is possible
  • oneness with God/Source/the Divine

For me, I would write:

People experiencing unity & oneness with their Divinity.

In a retreat I’ll be hosting in May I’ll be going more deeply into how to find your Calling and how to weave it into your entire life and career, but for now, go through these two simple steps.

It will give you the ability to consciously come to every relationship or person you encounter and KNOW & FEEL that you are fulfilling your purpose AND your calling.

With so much love,

 

 

 

 

ekurt
overcoming challenges
CategoriesELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING PROSPERITY

Overcoming Challenges: How to Do it The Elegant Way

Ladies!!!! I cannot tell you how excited I am to be back blogging, vlogging and supporting you.

I had an absolutely wonderful 2 month holiday, but there were some challenges that appeared, and I want to share them with you so that you can see how a Spiritual, Elegant woman chooses to move through them.

My kiddies and I first flew to London. I had the opportunity to stay with one of my best friends and visit with my other two besties as well.

How wonderful it was to be openly welcomed, hugged, and cared for. Having close girlfriends was once only a dream. After spiritually evolving so quickly, people I  called friends suddenly dropped out of my life. So to meet up with these three beautiful women again meant the absolute world to me.

To read how I manifested these 3 beautiful friends read, “How to Elegantly Attract Quality Friends”

Overcoming Challenges at the Airport

My kiddies and I swiftly left to travel from London to Calgary. However, due to an unknown Canadian government rule for dual citizens and some extremely unhelpful Air Canada employees, except for one angel, we missed our flight.

The saga that took place is a story I’ve told so many times over the summer, so I won’t go into it all, however we ended up flying to Toronto, only to be held up in security, and then another set of security only to have to run like cheetahs to the terminal which was literally just closing.

We finally landed in Calgary and soon after, my daughter got the flu and a chest infection.

When my hubby arrived he and I went for a special Reconnective Healing session. My intention was “for anything and everything that was still within me, blocking my Divine light, to transmute and be cleared.”

I had been given the clear message before I left for holidays that The Elegant Life would expand even more this year and I needed to ready for it, so when this Reconnective Healing Session entered the picture I said, “Yes”.

While receiving the healing, I heard messages in my awareness like this:

It’s over, Erin. Done. It’s finished now.

“Hmmm, don’t know what that means but… okay”, I thought.

Overcoming Challenges of Health

Later that week I began coughing and feeling unwell. I ended up having to go on antibiotics but still didn’t get better. I was coughing so much that I was bringing up some pretty nasty looking stuff (releasing, clearing, yep!)

I still enjoyed some special moments while my hubby was in Canada with us, but on the final day, when just my kiddies and I were to board a flight from Calgary to London, London to Istanbul then Istanbul to Bodrum…I broke. I asked my sister to please take me to the doctor.

Well… turns out I had pneumonia.

Now, those of you ladies who have read or watched the Series I did on, “The Making of a Spiritual Woman: A Pilgrimage that Began in Paris” know that I had pneumonia at that time as well.

Turns out that this pneumonia was in the exact spot as that pneumonia. That year I had A LOT to clear (oh, just a bit to get over…abuse, grief, restraining order, divorce…) It seems there was a bit left to clear:)

I was prescribed two different antibiotics, got a strong IV to give me energy, and off I set for our flights.

overcoming challenges

After my pneumonia was fully gone I felt renewed & so much lighter. And what I will share with you next week is what transpired the following month in August.

Stunning is not even the word to describe it….You see, when we clear old programs, old beliefs & old stories within our energetic system we allow more space for all of the intentions we have asked for to elegantly float on in…feeling like we’ve just been touched by magic. Mark your calendar and be sure to join me next week for that post!

Overcoming Challenges: How YOU Can Elegantly do this!

This summer has been a doozy for many people. People are going through major obstacles & challenges and I wanted to share wisdom on how you can see your way through anything. And how after you’ve moved through it, you will see and experience the miracles you were meant to.

As Spiritual women we have TWO choices:

  1. We can experience obstacles and challenges and feel like a victim.
  2. We can say, “Ah, I see there is something to CLEAR within me.” Then, as we clear, we really listen to Divine Inspiration about what we require to do to help us move through this with ease.  And, along the way, we energetically become a match to that which we desire.”

When we incessantly talk about our challenges & complain about every thing and every one we simply create more blocks to our light as well as the miracles waiting to manifest.

We don’t learn. We don’t grow. We don’t evolve.

No, we stay stuck, all the while ensuring that more drama will occur.

Because remember: like attracts like. So if you are being negative, more negativity will be brought to you.

This is where free will comes in. It’s not the Divine trying to “punish you” or “test you”.  It is simply the Divine allowing you the free will to choose how you desire to live.

Either way, in the end, whether it takes 1 month or 10 years of experiencing the SAME issues over and over again, you will one day get fed up and turn towards LOVE & JOY – and that is the only thing Divine Energy is interested in. Not the time limit.

YOU decide how swiftly and consistently you experience peace and happiness in your life.

I know that is a tough one to swallow, but as I mentioned to my hubby this summer as we were walking,

“Have you ever noticed that whenever you have a problem you’re there?”

overcoming challenges

So, if overcoming challenges (the Elegant Way) has been on your mind lately, please hear this…

The Universe/God/Source is responding to YOU.

  • Do you feel emotionally chaotic inside?
  • Have you always struggled with setting boundaries?
  • Is there one issue that continues to come up in your life? What is it?
  • If that issue were not an issue anymore, what would your life be like? How would you feel? What would you be doing? What would you be enjoying?
  • Do you find it difficult believing in yourself? Your worth? Your capabilities?
  • Do you find it difficult to give yourself permission to slow down, relax, pamper yourself, go on a retreat, go on a girly holiday, get a spa treatment?
  • Do you have health problems that keep you from doing work you love? Do you worry that if you get healthy you’ll have to work too hard?
  • Do you struggle with your weight, feeling beautiful or loving yourself?
  • Do you struggle financially?

ALL of these issues have a certain frequency and vibration. So because that frequency is being sent out to the Universe from you, unconsciously, what gets sent back is similar experiences or feelings because that is how the law works.

Now, what’s the reason behind the law being set up this way? It’s to provide you with free will. No judgement, just support towards you evolving.

What? How is giving me all this grief supporting me, you ask?

Each experience will come into your life so that you have the OPPORTUNITY to choose a different way and finally become who you require to become in order to begin experiencing the life you TRULY desire.

I love this poem from a buddhist book I received in France….

“Autobiography in Five Chapters”

1) I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost…I am hopeless.

It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

 

2) I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I’m in the same place.

Bit it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

 

3) I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in…it’s a habit

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

 

4) I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

 

5) I walk down another street.

-Portia Nelson

 

This Buddhist book then goes on to say:

The purpose of reflecting on this is to make a real change in the depths of your heart, and to come to learn how to avoid the “hole in the sidewalk,” and how to “walk down another street”. Often this will require a period of retreat and deep contemplation, because only that can truly open our eyes to what we are doing with our lives.

Yes going on a retreat as I did 7 years ago can completely transform your life, however, it is also in the daily practise of what I call, “Coming back HOME & Aligning with Elegant Flow” that you will begin to experience life differently.

Simple Ways of Aligning With Elegant Flow

Every time you see and hear yourself reacting to life in a certain way (and experiencing a certain outcome) become CONSCIOUS of it.

Then, make a CONSCIOUS choice to change your reaction.

Apologise or make it right somehow.

Repeat, “I love you, __________.” (Insert your name here)

Do something to raise your vibration. You can learn 14 of my favourite ways HERE.

Or, do The Elegant Clearing Process™, which can be learned after you’ve gone through The Art of Living Elegantly™.

Spiritual, Elegant Women CHOOSE to live elegantly, and yes, it is a daily process. But the more and more you choose to live this way, the more life becomes elegant.

The Elegant Life is:

  1. When life flows.
  2. Elegantly moving through challenges.
  3. Desires manifest almost effortlessly.
  4. Your heart is almost consistently in a state of Peace & Exquisite Joy & Bliss.
  5. You feel you have beauty and purpose in your life; your Calling is absolutely clear.
  6. You have a deep connection with who and what you really are.

I promise you this… once you become the woman you are required to be by consistently making different choices than you habitually do, whatever your soul has been desiring will come into your life SO easily & elegantly you’ll be absolutely shocked and amazed.

I experience this personally over and over again and so do my clients.

Do we still have challenges in life? Yes, of course, because we are all constantly evolving, it’s never finished.  But the process is smoother and quicker, which is really nice, trust me on this one!

If you feel ready to go deeper with this learning and begin the pilgrimage of coming back HOME to elegance, beauty, love, abundance and joy go HERE to learn The Art of Living Elegantly.

With Love,

Erin

____________________

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elegant living

ekurt
spiritual woman
CategoriesELEGANT BEAUTY, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, MANIFESTING PROSPERITY

Are you a Woman on the Verge of a Spiritual Awakening?

Have you ever had that feeling where one day you just feel unfulfilled with something? It could be a job, a partnership, a friendship, a business?

It probably built up for a while but then one day, your dissatisfaction with the way things were in your life became so clear that you KNEW something had to change.

That level of unfulfillment has been a running pattern with the women coming to me for mentoring this past year. They feel lost.

When I take them deeper, their lack of fulfilment comes from a lack of inner peace, balance, pleasure and connection with their spirituality.

Women who resonate with The Elegant Life are being called to expand and evolve, therefore their souls are creating this yearning for fulfilment.

It hasn’t been an easy time for them;  their souls are desiring to be happy, have peace and calm in their life, and feel a deep connection to the Universe, but what they are currently experiencing is very different than that.

Problems with their extended family? It’s just not okay with them anymore.

The relationship they are experiencing with their partner? It just doesn’t feel like enough anymore. They desire more from a relationship.

Meditation, yoga classes, workshops on spirituality and healing methods?

“Why is nothing making me feel like I SO desire to feel?”

This is a question many of my private clients are asking themselves.

Prosperity? Many women are passed the point of desring money to look or feel successful…they desire to have prosperity so they can experience FREEDOM, PLEASURE  & JOY in their life.

There is a natural evolution occurring right now and although it feels uncomfortable for so many, it excites me.

Why?

Because I was where these women are 6 years ago, and I recognize the signs… these women are on the verge of a Spiritual awakening. Are you one of them?

My Lowest Point 6 Years Ago

I was at a serious low point in my life. Every area of my life felt unfulfilling.

  • My body wasn’t anywhere near where I desired it to be.
  • I had lost connection to my spirituality and actually started to become angry with the Universe. I felt disowned by it and like I had never been connected to it!
  • My marriage was falling apart – we even had THE conversation about the big “D”.
  • I felt like I had lost Erin – where was she?  Where was that feminine, vibrant, spiritually connected, joyful, happy woman?
  • And, the business I had spent years (and money) to build to an international level wasn’t satisfying me anymore – my soul desired something more but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. That in itself was frustrating!

But everything looked great on the outside!

International business, finally two gorgeous children (after 4 pregnancies), a husband, and a gorgeous house in a prime location in Windsor, England.

So, why did I feel so empty inside? So completely depressed and hopeless?

I completely understand and recognise where many of you are in your life right now and I get that it feels uncomfortable and scary.

Your soul is desiring more which is where this dissatisfaction and unfufillment is coming from.

Remember, you are Divine Energy and the innate desire of this energy is to continuously expand itself. So, once you have everything basic in your life your soul starts desiring more, in order to expand.

The mission of this blog and the work I do via my online programs, one to one mentoring, and offline workshops has always been to inspire and assist Spiritual women to come back HOME to their Divinity so they can elegantly live and manifest an exquisite life.

Last year it was very important to focus on how to manifest by getting into Elegant Flow.

Women experienced miracles!

  • Houses were sold within 3 weeks after trying for 8 months.
  • Weight was lost and kept off effortlessly.
  • Spiritual connection was deepened and miraculous events began occurring.
  • Unexpected money was manifested.
  • New, ideal jobs & circumstances were manifested.

And now….it’s time for a deepening.

The Elegant Life blog and my teachings will respond to this need, and I’ve been clearly guided how to do this.  I cannot WAIT to share it with you! It’s stunning…

Now, not EVERY woman who is attracted to The Elegant Life is ready for this deepening right now, but that is absolutely fine.

The best place to start is to go through The Art of Living Elegantly  This is the foundational course that even I go through every few months!

There are levels of understanding that will appear each time you go through it.  This is also the ONLY online way you are able to access The Elegant Clearing Process™ which teaches you how to completely clear beliefs or experiences that don’t serve you anymore.

What You Can Do This Summer

I am about to go on a two month holiday, so this will be the last new blog post in a little while, however I highly encourage you to re-watch the series The Making of a Spiritual Woman: A Pilgrimage that Began in Paris . I have added even more photos from this incredible France experience! Me, Sandra, & Guy…lots of extra photos to take you through that year with me.

If you loved it the first time (which SO many of you did!) then you’ll LOVE watching and reading again. It’s like the perfect summer read!

If that series doesn’t appeal to you, go back and read through some of the other posts.  The perfect one will pop out for you – one that will be just what you needed to hear.

Finally, be sure to follow me on Instagram or Facebook if you’d like to see my summer holiday.  I’ll be in Canada, Turkey and a special, top secret location that has to do with next year’s focus on The Elegant Life Blog;) Can you guess where it is???

I’ll leave you with this…

You are exactly where you are supposed to be right now.  Whatever you are experiencing is preparing you for what your soul has asked for or strongly desires.

If you are struggling in an area, know that the Divine is preparing you to become who you require to BE in order to  to attract that which you say you want in your life.  If you were already ready you would have what you desire, so….

Focus on JOY, move towards what makes you happy this summer, enjoy the archives or programs of The Elegant Life and I’ll see you back here in September!

I Love You!

 

 

P.S. If you haven’t watched the NEW, powerful video of The Elegant Life have a watch above. Women are telling me they have goosebumps:) I had them too, as what’s coming through me is absolutely beautiful.

 

ekurt
souls
CategoriesELEGANT TRAVEL, MANIFESTING INNER PEACE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of a Spiritual Woman: Video #15 (A Meeting of 2 Souls)

Chère Diary,

I’ve met a friend!!! Oh, thank the Universe! In my language class is a 25 year old Mexican girl named Sandra. She laughs like me and we have SO MUCH in common!!!

We went out to dinner and talked for hours and hours, sharing intimate details of our lives. It’s like we’ve known each other before.

Finally, someone to share this experience with. I’ve been feeling so lonely.

My typical day is:
– wake up
– take the boys to school
– teach
– come home
– meditate, do some breathing exercises, and then some yoga
– write letters, do some chores
– go pick the boys up, do homework with them
– then play games with them
– eat dinner, do dishes
– read with Maelle and Jean – Do. in le salon
– go to bed

It’s very low key and my French is getting much more fluid, but I don’t feel like ME. I’m bored.

Being with Sandra makes me feel like I’m ALIVE again. She’s been here longer than me so she knows a few more people.

YEAH! I cannot wait to begin living life like Erin again!

In fact, I have “Felt my fear and done it anyway”  and asked to use the car so Sandra and I can drive to La Rochelle, a beautiful city near the ocean, tomorrow!

Chère Diary,

Well, we were all set to go to La Rochelle when Sandra told me a friend invited her to an art exhibit in Clisson, a nearby town, and would I like to come?

She thought I’d be excited to know that another friend is coming along who is a yoga teacher.

To be honest, I was really disappointed. I’ve never been good with plans changing at the last minute. And, why was our plan so easy to toss out?

I felt a bit of anger arise within me, but now that I’ve been reading the Dalai Lama and Deepak Chopra books I am trying to go with the flow more. There must be a reason this is happening, so I changed my attitude and said, “Okay.”

Maybe I could get some good yoga tips for my butt! It seems to be growing by the day with all the cheese and patisseries I’ve been eating!

Chère Diary,

I can’t write much right now because I’m so tired, but today was magnificent!

Sandra and I went for lunch and the yoga teacher was going to come and meet us and take us to where Sandra’s other friend was waiting.

Secretly, I wondered, “Is he going to be handsome?” I craved love and attention.

While we ate dessert, Guy, the yoga teacher walked in.

He wasn’t the dark haired French guy I was envisioning…in fact his hairline was receding, but WOW, he had incredible energy. What WAS that?

Guy sat with us and was so at ease. I liked this. Oooh, I LOVE being around people who have beautiful energy. This was going to be a fun day after all!

Sandra, Guy and I got in the car and on the journey we all chatted so effortlessly about yoga, how he teaches from his home, how he is a Buddhist (WOW! I’m reading a Dalai Lama book right now!!!), how his brother is a Buddhist monk (WOW! Maybe I can learn from him!), how he loves cooking and eating and playing the pan flutes….

I was getting a buzz out of this conversation!!!

I went from being lonely and slightly depressed to feeling ALIVE and excited and so, so curious!

Talking about spirituality, yoga and Buddhism thrilled me! And yes, with so much in common, I began feeling a slight attraction to Guy.

Somehow I feel a connection to his soul and I can’t explain why.

Guy, Sandra and I finally arrived in Clisson and it was magical…in every respect.

Join me HERE when I share with you the magic that occurred in Clisson, as well as some of the pictures I took on this very day!

Love,

Erin Kurt

ekurt
CategoriesMANIFESTING INNER PEACE, MANIFESTING LOVE & PLEASURE, THE MAKING OF A SPIRITUAL WOMAN

The Making of an Spiritual Woman: Video #7 (Endings)

It was 9pm at night when the phone rang. It was David.

He wanted to talk.

In my mind there was nothing left to discuss and I was heartbroken because I had to put Lucky down the day before.

Lucky had been the dog I dreamed of, the dog my dad made me write a report about to show I would know how to take care of him. This little angel had been by my side for 17 years.

My puppy was so scared the day we entered the Vet’s office. He has a massive tumor and was in so much pain. He started shaking uncontrollably, crawling over my shoulder to try and get away as he must have felt something was going to happen.

I tried to hold it together when he peed on me out of fright. My sweet angel.

This day was one I told you would never happen.

I used to lie in bed with him when I was a young girl and say, “I will never put you down. I don’t know how people can do that. I love you, Lucky.”

And here I was, doing just that. I HAD to. Our whole family entered the room and I sat Lucky on the cold, metal table. I had my arm around him and then the vet came in to inject him.

The first try didn’t work and Lucky became agitated. All I remember is the sound of his scratching nails on the metal table, trying to climb up on me again. I broke down sobbing and then…

My sweet angel dropped slowing into my arms and he was gone.

Anyone who has ever had to do this knows the deep PAIN of this.

My puppy loved me unconditionally. He was the one who waited atop the sofa to see me come home from school each day. He is the one who sat silently by be when I cried over a heart break.

He was the one who would lick me uncontrollably when he was happy.

I couldn’t believe he was gone.

The loss I felt was profound.

And now, David wanted to talk…

I shared with him the devastating news that I had to put Lucky down and at first he was genuinely sorry. He knew how precious Lucky was to me.

Quickly though, he wanted to change the topic to us.

He was saying all the right things, being sensitive, admitting his wrong doings, his realizations. He wanted me to give us one more chance. He promised it would be different.

I was feeling very emotionally weak.

How could I end a marriage when someone was telling me all these things? I never thought I’d get divorced! I had to do the right thing and try one more time.

David saw I was opening to the idea so he tried to rush my answer. I asked him to give me a bit of time as I was still grieving from Lucky’s death.

He pushed, and when I said firmly, “David, I’ve just lost Lucky. I need some time”, David’s reply was, “Erin, he was just a f_cking dog!”

It was then that I knew… It. Was. Over.

I said, “You’ve just made my decision. Good- bye.” And I hung up.

I got ready for bed yet had a horrible feeling in my stomach. I felt that David might try and come over to continue this conversation. It was his pattern.

I got into bed, still feeling sick to my stomach when I heard the a car screech up to the house. The car door slammed and before I knew it he was ringing the doorbell nonstop.

It was 1:30am.

I started to get concerned that my parents would be woken up so I got out of bed.

Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding….he didn’t stop ringing the doorbell.

Now my parents were up.

The ringing switched to pounding.

“LET ME IN!!!!!” David yelled.

I became so scared, especially after my previous experience, that I called 911 and asked the police if they could just come by and make him go away.

The police officer kept me on the phone by asking lots of questions and I started to get so anxious.

“Please, just send someone! He’s going to break the door down!”

All of a sudden I heard a huge THUD . Down came a set of double doors and in came David charging at me.

I screamed and yelled, “Please, send someone! He’s broken down the door!”

My father came between me and David and then a fight broke out.

David pushed my father down.

My father, who has a soft heart like me, said calmly, “Hey buddy, please just calm down.”

I”’m not your f-cking buddy! Let me talk to Erin!” he replied.

Then my mom got involved and David started yelling obsenities at her.

My dad managed to get David out to the front lawn but after David pushed him down once more and started wrestling with him, my sister got involved.

She came outside with a tennis racket and began hitting David with it to get him off my dad.

Meanwhile I’m on the phone begging them to please send the police. The officer kept assuring me they were on their way, but it was taking forever!!!

Finally, they arrived and pulled David off my dad.

One officer handcuffed David and put him in the car and another came to check on me.

He said they’d be back to take my statement.

I waited until 4:30 am, meanwhile planning for a subsitute teacher (the “JOYS” of being of teacher)

At 4:30 the police arrived and as soon as they came in they said, “This isn’t the first time he’s been abusive, is it?”

I said no and they told me that he was a typical abuser. As soon as they put him in the police car he began banging his head on the window saying , “Why are you doing this to me???”

Their reply? “Buddy, you did this to yourself.”

After giving my statement to the police I fell fast asleep…totally and utterly exhausted, both physically and emotionally.

Did this all just happen?

Is this MY life?

I was in disbelief.

The next day I went in to see Matt and the Principal to share what had happend just in case David decided to break the restraining order put against him and come to get me at the school.

I was trying to be so strong, but I half talked, half cried.

Matt was so concerned, and I admit, it felt nice to have a man know that this was unacceptable behaviour.

Later that day Matt came to tell me how strong I was and that all he wanted to do in that office was  hold me.

I felt very, very cared for…for a couple of days.

So why did I find an invitation in my mailbox inviting me to “Matt & Tanya’s” house for a Scavenger Hunt????

Join me HERE for Part 8 of “The Making of an Spiritual Woman” where I try and learn to set boundaries and teach people how to treat me – a lesson I will need to practise over and over again! The start of my SELF LOVE journey begins.

Can you relate to any part of this story? I’d love to hear from you in comments below.  The more we speak up and share, the more we can help other women currently going through this situation.

See you tomorrow!

Love,

Erin Kurt

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