Chère Diary,
Well, I did it! I survived a Christmas alone, in France! We had a really nice day – lots of eating, laughs and calls from home.
I am feeling so much JOY right now and it’s really helping me speak more fluidly!
I am noticing that whenever I feel joy throughout my body I feel more courageous to speak with people, to ask for the car and to experience life here fully. Interesting.
There was actually a concert of Celine Dion on TV tonight and I loved it!!!
She is a role model to me.
Celine shows that a woman can be wealthy, happy, in love beyonds words and live life with joy…and it’s OK. This is what I want.
_________________________
It is the afternoon of le 31 decembre and I am feeling very reflective.
I remember the feeling of utter depression and hopelessness at this time last year. David and I had hosted a New Years Eve party and although we had fun with friends, when the clock struck midnight, my heart dropped.
I only ever had 1 New Years Eve romantic kiss from him…when I was 17 years old. He told me he loved me, but since then, nothing.
Every New Years Eve I would hope, but was always left feeling so alone and disappointed.
Where was the passion between a husband and a wife? Where you thanked God for bringing the two of you together and you BOTH felt love and deep, deep feelings for one another? Was I just stupid for thinking this could ever exist?
Well, I have begun to realize NO.
Being here in France I have learned so much about myself and how I want to love and be loved.
Sandra came from no where and I love her.
Guy came from no where and I love him. He has shown me, by example, how to be comfortable in one’s own skin and how to have compassion for others, on a whole new level.
I have been spending every last second with Sandra and Guy and each day we laugh so hard that my stomach hurts and I almost pee my pants!
All three of us are looking for the exact same kind of love and won’t settle again for anything less.
We all LOVE music, laughing, art, spirituality and FOOD!
I feel like the luckiest person. Yet, I have some sadness inside because I miss being in love. I have so much love built up inside of me right now and I just want to to hug and kiss Guy to let it out.
But, I’m so scared of losing my independence or becoming so lost in love that I don’t continue to follow my dreams.
I keep telling myself, “Live for TODAY, Erin!” but my insides resist this.
I tend to always live for the future and I KNOW this is wrong.
It negates the happiness right now. I will definitely work on this.
Here’s to a new year and an even better life.
What will happen in 1998? I won’t even try to guess!
Chère Diary,
Oh man, I have GOT to get my weight under control! I have fallen off the wagon again from emotional eating and gained even MORE weight! I tried on my black dress and could barely do it up!
I started laughing instead of crying, which is interesting for me.
“Could it have shrunk accidentally?” I wondered. So I tried on my black pants and could barely do them up too.
No, it’s definitely me and my butt!
Less fat, more activity. I will walk more and get to sleep at a good hour so I have more energy to work out.
It’s my birthday soon and I really want to feel good on the day.
______________________________
Chère Diary,
It’s my birthday!!!
Sandra and Guy planned an an incredbile dinner party for me. I am SO LUCKY to have them in my life!
I have two best friends… here…in France…and we only speak French!!! Am I dreaming?????
Is this actually my life???
For my present, they both chipped in and gave me a new bottle of my signature perfume “Beautiful”.
We talked, laughed and drank a lot of champagne, and at one point we got into a tickling fight on the sofa.
Actually, Guy was really focusing on me.
I am sensing that he feels something for me. And, if I’m completely honest, I feel an attraction for him too, but would never, ever want to do something to ruin our friendship. It is far too special to do that.
I think it’s just the fact that we have so much in common and he’s not had friends like us either, so he is loving the feeling of JOY when he’s with us.
The strange thing is that he always seems to know what I need at the time I’m thinking I need it!
How bizarre is this??
For example, yesterday, I thought, “I wonder if Guy will remember that I like flowers and that I really feel like eating a fruit pie.
He brought BOTH to the party!
And two days before that, I was telling Jean-Do and Maelle that I really would like to find a bottle of Maple Syrup so I could make Canadian pancakes for them.
Who shows up later that day with a “little something for me”? Guy!!! With a bottle of maple syrup!!! Does he have me bugged???
We finished my birthday by watching a movie called, “Forget Paris”. We all loved it.
What an incredible and memorable 26th birthday.
Gosh, every weekend we go to different forests and beaches to walk around and explore We always end up doing yoga or meditation in the forest, which is peaceful beyond words. And, just the other day, we had a traditional French picnic with cold quiche and salad, and later played frisbee.
I feel like I am living the real Erin, down to the atomic level.
I know that sounds weird, but it’s the only way I know how to explain what I feel right now. I am 100% me, even on the spiritual level.
Chère Diary,
I woke up today and realized that I had forgotten to take the movie from Guy’s house. It was due back at the video store today, so I called Guy. He told me he’d come pick me up so we could take it back together.
I was a bit nervous to be with him alone. I felt a bit shy without Sandra being there. He and I had never been alone together and…
Whenever we give each other the 4 bisous (4 kisses) on the cheek there is an electricity that goes between us. I don’t know what to make of this.
I love Guy’s spirituality, his views on life, his humour, his kindness, how he cooks, his beautiful eyes, his love of music (especially when he plays that one song on the pan flutes!), but there is something not quite ALL there.
After we dropped off the movie, Guy surprised me by taking me to a health food store! He knew how much I had been craving certain health foods.
As we walked around the store I could feel the energetic tension between us.
Whenever we talk and look into each other’s eyes there’s the weirdest thing that happens! I literally FEEL a buzz of hot energy between us!
Anway, Guy drove me back home and helped me carry my bags into the garage.
I put down my bags, turned around to say a huge thank you for taking me to the organic store, reached out my arms to do the “Canadian thing” and give him a big hug and…
BOOM! He pulled me towards him, laid the most passionate kiss on me and said,
“Erin, je savais que c’etait toi.”
Join me HERE when I translate this and share what transpired after my unintentional expression of love!!!!
Have YOU ever experienced this kind of electricity with someone? What did you share in common? What were the qualities that attracted you to him/her? I’d LOVE to hear all about it in the comments!
With so much love,
